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Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. v. 5
Some people say that letting kids choose on everyday situations (like what to eat, wear or play), would result in self-interested members of society, while others consider that it is crucial for children to have a say about issues that affect them. Although raising a child that way could result in a socialization problem in the future, in this essay I will shall attempt to argue that youngsters should make choices in order to be decisive when adults. Not giving kids the opportunity to decide can be attributed to the fact that it could make them be self-centered. Young minds may misunderstand the right of decision and believe that what they want is all that matters. For instance, in a behavioral research conducted by The University of California was revealed that, around a third of toddlers who decided first what toys to play with, did not let other infants to play with the objects, and this could result in a lack of social skills when they grow up. On the other hand, giving a minor the chance to make ordinary choices could help to create decisive individuals. That is to say, it can contribute to the growth of a strong-minded person, which is a valuable skill in work life. For example, The American Journal of Psychology revealed that, individuals who made daily-life decisions at an early age, like what to wear for school or what to eat at lunch, are prone to pursue careers where decisive abilities are crucial, such as medicine or architecture. In conclusion, despite the fact that letting a child make choices could result in a selfish way of thinking, this essay suggests that youngsters should have a say on everyday issues in order to develop decision-making abilities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that letting kids choose on everyday situations (like what to eat, wear or play), would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
in self-interested members of society, while others consider that it is crucial for children to have a say about issues that affect them. Although raising a child that way could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
in a socialization problem in the future, in this essay I
Two modal verbs connected. Did you mean: "will, shall", "will" or "shall"?
will shall
attempt to argue that youngsters should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
choices in order to be decisive when adults.

Not giving kids the opportunity to decide can
be attributed
to the fact that it could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them be self-centered. Young minds may misunderstand the right of decision and believe that what they want is all that matters.
For instance
, in a behavioral research conducted by The University of California
was revealed
that, around a third of toddlers who decided
first
what toys to play with, did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
other infants to play with the objects, and this could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
in a lack of social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
when they grow up.

On the other hand
, giving a minor the chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
ordinary choices could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to create decisive individuals.
That is
to say, it can contribute to the growth of a strong-minded person, which is a valuable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
in work life.
For example
, The American Journal of Psychology revealed that, individuals who made daily-life decisions at an early age, like what to wear for school or what to eat at lunch, are prone to pursue careers where decisive abilities are crucial, such as medicine or architecture.

In conclusion
, despite the fact that letting a child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
choices could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
Consider replacing "in a selfish way" with the adverb for "selfish"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a selfish way
of thinking, this essay suggests that youngsters should have a say on everyday issues in order to develop decision-making abilities.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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