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Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters such as food clothes and entertainment is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes Other people believe that it is important v.19

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters such as food clothes and entertainment is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes Other people believe that it is important v. 19
People have different views about the right of young children to make their own decision in their life. While some people think that let children do everything they want lead to the appearance of selfish people in a society, I think that trend will create a independence generation. There are some evidences dedicating that allowing the young to choose their daily routine such as choosing food, clothes, and unwind activities could make they only think about themselves. For example, parents nowadays always spoil their children and try to do everything they require to satisfied the children. As a result, children tend to get used with being an apple of their parents' s eyes, which develop to some detrimental behaviors when they have to become a part of society when they grow up. However, I strongly believe that letting children decide freely bring a huge amount of benefit for not only themselves but also their parents and society. Firstly, having the right to do their own form just a unimportant thing such as choosing the color for their socks could help children be more confident and not rely too much on their parents. In addition, it has positive impact to the young because they feel being respect by their parents, which can narrow the generation gap between the children and the parents. Secondly, if the children have to make the decision by themselves and express their thinking about what they choose, they will develop the logical thinking and build their personality, for example taking charge for what they have done. In conclusion, it seem to me that children could get a lot of benefit from having a right to make a decision themselves.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about the right of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decision in their life. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do everything they want lead to the appearance of selfish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in a society, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that trend will create
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
independence generation.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
evidences dedicating that allowing the young to choose their daily routine such as choosing food, clothes, and unwind activities could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about themselves.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
nowadays always spoil their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and try to do everything they require
Did you mean "to satisfy"?
to satisfied
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
with being an apple of their
Possible spelling mistake found.
parents&
#039; s eyes, which develop to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
detrimental behaviors when they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
become a part of society when they grow up.

However
, I
strongly
believe that letting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
decide
freely
bring a huge amount of benefit for not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and society.
Firstly
, having the right to do their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
form
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
unimportant thing such as choosing the color for their socks could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
be more confident and not rely too much on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
In addition
, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact to the young
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they feel being respect by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, which can narrow the generation gap between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Secondly
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the decision by themselves and express their thinking about what they choose, they will develop the logical thinking and build their personality,
for example
taking charge for what they have done.

In conclusion
, it
Did you mean "seems"?
seem
to me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefit from having a right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a decision themselves.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters such as food clothes and entertainment is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes Other people believe that it is important v. 19

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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