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Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. v.18

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. v. 18
How much freedom children should be given on everyday matters is controversial. People who are against allowing boundless liberty to children believe allowing too much freedom would create selfish individuals in our society while others think it is necessary to nurture creativity and to create self-reliant individuals. I personally believe that parents should neither give absolute immunity to their children nor they should restrain them in every matter - there must be a balance. On the one hand, permitting children to do whatever they want and letting them chose everything they like on a daily basis would convince youngsters that they can do whatever they like. This is detrimental to the growth of children and those children would become selfish and self-centered when they grow up. Scientific research reveals that someone’s childhood experience has a permanent effect on his personality and thinking pattern. This is why parents should make important decisions for their offspring and deter them from doing things that are harmful to their psychological and physical growth. On the other hand, psychologists express that if parents do not allow their children to pick certain things on their own and restrict them on everything, the children would become fragile-minded and lack confidence. If children cannot choose things they like and do not have any freedom of choice, would end up being less creative than those who were given freedom to make their own decisions. To conclude, our society needs more creative and selfless people and that is why we should allow a certain freedom to our child but there should be a boundary of this liberty.
How much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
on everyday matters is controversial.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who are against allowing boundless liberty to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
believe allowing too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
would create selfish individuals in our society while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is necessary to nurture creativity and to create self-reliant individuals. I
personally
believe that parents should neither give absolute immunity to their
Use a comma before 'nor' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children nor
they should restrain them in every matter
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be a balance.

On the one hand, permitting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do whatever they want and letting them chose everything they like on a daily basis would convince youngsters that they can do whatever they like. This is detrimental to the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would become selfish and self-centered when they grow up. Scientific research reveals that someone’s childhood experience has a permanent effect on his personality and thinking pattern. This is why parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
decisions for their offspring and deter them from doing things that are harmful to their psychological and physical growth.

On the other hand
, psychologists express that if parents do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to pick certain things on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and restrict them on everything, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would become fragile-minded and lack confidence. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
cannot choose things they like and do not have any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
of choice, would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up being less creative than those who were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions.

To conclude
, our society needs more creative and selfless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
that is
why we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
to our child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there should be a boundary of this liberty.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. v. 18

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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