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Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.17

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. v. 17
Certain people argue that it is always important for kids to learn decision making, while others believe that this would develop attitude problems, when they grow up. I strongly believe that making decisions is crucial in every individuals life on day-to-day activities. This essay will discuss on both the views and my opinion, followed by a reasoned conclusion. Firstly, when kids are given freedom at an early age like choosing their lifestyle and entertainment, which would ultimately make them dependent on their own thoughts and never listen to elders or other people who correct them, when they are wrong. For example, in the Western countries, parents usually give freedom to their children and it is often seen that when they grow up they do not develop relations with their family. Moreover, they develop an attitude of me and myself rather than caring about others. Secondly, it is essential for every individual to think out of box than being a novice. It is possible when they are given freedom on their choices, as a kid and in addition, even parents can correct them, when they are wrong with their choices. This way they will not only learn what is correct for them but to the society. For instance, some of the Asian parents are very strict and never allow their children to choose their living style or food habits because of which many of them takes others opinion while shopping, when they grow up. Hence, it is crucial for every individual to become independent of others thoughts and follow their own instincts. To conclude, decision making is a key life skill which has to be developed since childhood and cannot be taught by anyone, when they become individuals. But, sometimes, children should take suggestions from their parents while parents need to respect the decisions made by their children. As a result, this would help them being better individuals in this society.
Certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that it is always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for kids to learn
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
, while others believe that this would develop attitude problems, when they grow up. I
strongly
believe that making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
is crucial in every
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "individuals'" or "individual's"?
individuals
life on day-to-day activities. This essay will discuss on both the views and my opinion, followed by a reasoned conclusion.

Firstly
, when kids are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
freedom at an early age like choosing their lifestyle and entertainment, which would
ultimately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them dependent on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
thoughts and never listen to elders or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who correct them, when they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
For example
, in the Western countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
usually
give freedom to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that when they grow up they do not develop relations with their family.
Moreover
, they develop an attitude of me and myself
rather
than caring about others.

Secondly
, it is essential for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
out of box than being a novice. It is possible when they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
freedom on their choices, as a kid and
in addition
, even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can correct them, when they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
with their choices. This way they will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
learn what is correct for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to the society.
For instance
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
strict and never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to choose their living style or food habits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them takes others opinion while shopping, when they grow up.
Hence
, it is crucial for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to become independent of others thoughts and follow their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
instincts.

To conclude
,
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
is a key life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be developed
since childhood and cannot
be taught
by anyone, when they become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should take suggestions from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to respect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
made by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
As a result
, this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
The verb ',' is used with an infinitive: "to be" or "be".
being
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
in this society.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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