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Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these view and give your own opinion. v.15

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. v. 15
Although, some people believe that children's choices are beneficial on their daily routine, while others believe that the only important things should be addressed by them which actually affects them in genuine. In my opinion, make your own decisions only matters whether it is related to the menial level or for imperative work which directly impact them. On the one hand, mundane activity does not matter on a big scale, but makes oneself decisive and confident. In other words, daily things like choices of dress, food are very ignorant to discuss with anyone. But, they have been improving the skills on day-to-day basis by making them an independent and built confidence in them. These practices, make youngsters proactive, to get used to take decision for any situation. For example, a boy knows why he needs to watch a program without asking anyone then he ultimately develops the skill of what is suitable for him. On the other hand, apart from everyday discussions over ignorable topic, other parents believe in focusing on significant and relevant decisions which affect them in terms of career, life. They find mundane choices, just consuming of time and resources. Furthermore, according to them, career and life choices are the main focus of anyone's life. For instance, a student should responsible for its career decision instead of its shirt colour. In conclusion, despite people having various views regarding of choices, I believe it would be better to allow children to take any decision, by guiding them the right path. Because, it will help them to build skills for their future.
Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
are beneficial on their daily routine, while others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things should
be addressed
by them which actually affects them in genuine. In my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
matters whether it
is related
to the menial level or for imperative work which
directly
impact them.

On the one hand, mundane activity does not matter on a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
scale,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
oneself decisive and confident. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, daily things like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
of dress, food are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
ignorant to discuss with anyone.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, they have been improving the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
on day-to-day basis by making them an independent and built confidence in them. These practices,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
youngsters proactive, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
for any situation.
For example
, a boy knows why he needs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a program without asking anyone then he
ultimately
develops the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
of what is suitable for him.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, apart from everyday discussions over ignorable topic,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
in focusing on significant and relevant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
which affect them in terms of career, life. They find mundane
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
consuming of time and resources.
Furthermore
, according to them, career and life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
are the main focus of anyone's life.
For instance
, a student should responsible for its career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
instead
of its shirt
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
.

In conclusion
, despite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
having various views regarding of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
it would be better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
children to take any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
, by guiding them the right path.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to build
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for their future.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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