Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.12

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. v. 12
These days, children are developing at a pace faster than their parents, be it physically or mentally. While some people argue that children should be allowed to make their own decisions, others believe that by giving children the freedom to choose what they want, they might become egocentric. There are valid views on both sides, which I will discuss now. On the one hand, opponents of giving children the liberty to make their own choices think that they will become self-centred. Indeed, in doing so, these children might believe that the adults around them do not really bother about what they do with their lives. Moreover, Psychologists believe that giving adolescents too much freedom give them a sense of authority and they like to take opportunity of this position. It starts with small situations such as choosing their own food and clothes which can rapidly go over the limit of decency, and eventually ends up with big issues, including mode of entertainment which can involve drug dealing, thefts, smoking, among others. They become so accustomed to making their own decisions, that with time, they do not think about the repercussions on the family and society. For example, in a conservative society, it would be totally inappropriate to wear short skirts and high cleavage clothes and parents might feel embarrassed. On the other hand, supporters of freedom of children argue that they have every right to take decisions about their life. For the former, it is incorrect to force youngsters to dress in a way that they might not feel comfortable. For instance, telling a child to wear a maxi dress when they are clearly not confident is ill-advised. Furthermore, children should be permitted to make their own choice of a career because it concerns their future. Statistics have shown that just over 45% of adults in India are pursuing a career in a field that their parents forced them and out of this, only about 10% are satisfied with their life. Supporters of liberty of youngsters state that youngsters are better informed and educated than people of the past and hence can take wise decisions. For instance, they know that eating oily food will increase their risk of obesity and heart attack, or that eating too much sugar may make them diabetic, so they choose not to resort to such eating habits. In conclusion, I believe that today, youngsters should be given some freedom to make their own decisions depending on the particular situation. However, their parents should guide them through important decisions and make sure they do not make wrong choices.
These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are developing at a pace faster than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, be it
physically
or mentally. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
, others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that by giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
to choose what they want, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
become egocentric. There are valid views on both sides, which I will discuss
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

On the one hand, opponents of giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the liberty to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they will become
Possible spelling mistake found.
self-centred
.
Indeed
, in doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
Consider using "the surrounding adults".
the adults around them
do not
really
bother about what they do with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Moreover
, Psychologists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that giving adolescents too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
give them a sense of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
authority and
they like to take opportunity of this position. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
situations such as choosing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
food and clothes which can
rapidly
go over the limit of decency, and
eventually
ends up with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
issues, including mode of entertainment which can involve drug dealing, thefts, smoking, among others. They become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
accustomed to making their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
, that with time, they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the repercussions on the family and society.
For example
, in a conservative society, it would be
totally
inappropriate to wear short skirts and high cleavage clothes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
feel embarrassed.

On the other hand
, supporters of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
argue that they have every right to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
about their life. For the former, it is incorrect to force youngsters to dress in a way that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not feel comfortable.
For instance
, telling a child to wear a maxi dress when they are
clearly
not confident is ill-advised.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be permitted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choice of a career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it concerns their future. Statistics have shown that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 45% of adults in India are pursuing a career in a field that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
forced them and out of this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about 10%
are satisfied
with their life. Supporters of liberty of youngsters state that youngsters are better informed and educated than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of the past and
hence
can take wise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
.
For instance
, they know that eating oily food will increase their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of obesity and heart attack, or that eating too much sugar may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them diabetic,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they choose not to resort to such eating habits.

In conclusion
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, youngsters should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
depending on the particular situation.
However
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should guide them through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
sure they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
choices.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
432 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts