Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (Such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about their matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (Such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about their matters that affect them. v. 1
The choices made by children for their day to day activities are debatable. A group of people believes that children should be allowed to go with their choices, and the other side suggests this will develop a nation of individuals who are only concerned about their well-being. This essay will discuss both the sides of the argument and put forward the importance of making their own decisions. Some people trust that it is mandatory for a child to make the correct choice of food, clothes etc. They serve as the items that are very close to a person, and here one’s own decision has more value, as they are quite accurate. Persons who are into that must be comfortable with their choices, as these are going to stay as their identity. As an illustration, many parents wish their daughters to be in a good height, if not so they force them to wear heels. Quite a lot of girls tend to fail in wearing those and come out with injuries. Fake decisions always fail, child’s preference will be best to avoid all kinds of problems. However, the rest of the people suggest that making own verdict, will only produce individuals who are selfish. Making their choices will bring up characters that do not care about demolishing others for their goodness. They even lose all parts of the kindness present in them. For instance, it was 10 am in the morning, many were riding to their offices in a hurry, an old man was carrying the vegetables and all of a sudden, he fainted but surprisingly no one turned up to give a hand to that person. This is a type a society that is getting developed. Each and every individual do not want to waste even a second for others life. If it is for one’s own need, they utterly waste entire amount of time. To conclude, the decisions that are related to one’s dressing etc. , must be one’s own choice. Appearance comes after comfortableness. Wrong decisions will always end up in a tragedy. Few people also believe that making their own decisions create more people with selfishness.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
made by children for their
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
activities are debatable. A group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believes that children should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
, and the other side suggests this will develop a nation of individuals who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
concerned about their well-being. This essay will discuss both the sides of the argument and put forward the importance of making their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
trust that it is mandatory for a child to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the correct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
of food, clothes etc. They serve as the items that are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
close to a person, and here one’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
has more value, as they are quite accurate. Persons who are into that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be comfortable with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
, as these are going to stay as their identity. As an illustration,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents wish their daughters to be in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
height, if not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they force them to wear heels. Quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
girls tend to fail in wearing those and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out with injuries. Fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
always fail, child’s preference will be best to avoid all kinds of problems.

However
, the rest of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suggest that making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
verdict, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
produce individuals who are selfish. Making their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
will bring up characters that do not care about demolishing others for their goodness. They even lose all parts of the kindness present in them.
For instance
, it was 10
This is redundant. Consider using "am".
am in the morning
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
were riding to their offices in a hurry, an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
was carrying the vegetables and all of a sudden, he fainted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
surprisingly
no one turned up to give a hand to that person. This is a type a society
that is
getting developed. Each and every individual do not want to waste even a second for others life. If it is for one’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
need, they
utterly
waste entire amount of time.

To conclude
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
that
are related
to one’s dressing etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be one’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
. Appearance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
after comfortableness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
will always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in a tragedy. Few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
believe that making their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
create more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with selfishness.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (Such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about their matters that affect them. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts