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Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters ( such as food, clothes, and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decision about matter that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion v.4

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters ( such as food, clothes, and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decision about matter that affect them. 4
People have different views about whether children should have freedom to decide what they want to do with daily problems. While some people disagree with the idea of allowing offspring to make their own decisions, I believe that children should have liberty to do this. On the one hand, there are clear ethical arguments against letting children make own choices. Firstly, children are too young to fully understand the consequences after each activity they do. As a result, they may hurt themselves. For example, when two children have a big conflict, if adults do not stop it immediately, they might end up being injured. Secondly, children may grow up with selfish - just think for themselves. This is mostly because they are let to do whatever they want, such as eating all good dishes in the meal without thinking that their parents have nothing to eat. On the other hand, I think that it is more beneficial for children to choose how to solve everyday matters. To begin with, children allowed to do something under reasonable control are more creative than those under strict observation of parents. This means that in the future they could tackle with difficulties easier due to various solutions they may give out. Besides, the ability to make decisions is an essential skill to become a good leader. Nowadays, we have numerous options in doing one work and we have to choose the best one, so certainly freely decision-making at the early age could help us. In conclusion, I can understand why people might not want children to have own choices, but it seems to me that freedom in choosing what they do need to be encouraged.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should have freedom to decide what they want to do with daily problems. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of allowing offspring to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should have liberty to do this.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
ethical arguments against letting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choices.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are too young to
fully
understand the
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "after". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences after
each activity they do.
As a result
, they may hurt themselves.
For example
, when two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
conflict, if adults do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
it immediately, they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up
being injured
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may grow up with selfish
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
for themselves. This is
mostly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
to do whatever they want, such as eating all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
dishes in the meal without thinking that their parents have nothing to eat.

On the other hand
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is more beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to choose how to solve everyday matters. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
Did you mean "doing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'allow' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to do
something under reasonable control are more creative than those under strict observation of parents. This means that in the future they could tackle with difficulties easier due to various solutions they may give out.
Besides
, the ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions is an essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
to become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
leader. Nowadays, we have numerous options in doing one
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
choose the best one,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
certainly
freely
decision-making at the early age could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us.

In conclusion
, I can understand why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might not want
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choices,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it seems to me that freedom in choosing what they do need to
be encouraged
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters ( such as food, clothes, and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decision about matter that affect them. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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