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Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion v.1

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important to make decisions about matters that affect them. 1
People’s view differently on how or what children should decide on their own. Some promote the freedom to let the children choose what they want regarding basic commodities and lifestyle. According to them, children develop a sense of individualism. Others believe that only specific concerns that directly affect their changes in their lives, for example, education. If I were in their shoes, I would let them make the decision but would always guide on what is acceptable to what is not. If I were to let my son/daughter eat any food that they want, they could suffer a nutrient deficiency. Science explains that most children are picky eaters. Allowing them to neglect their fruits and vegetables will result in malnutrition and appearance of vitamin related illness. Another is that if you let children watch movies or any form of media that promotes violence without strict parental guidance for the sole purpose of “promoting individualism”. Children may tend to copy such acts for they do not yet have a full understanding of the concept of right or wrong. Moral values were always meant to be taught at home by adults. On the other hand, if we were to limit the capacity of children to decide on their own; they would feel trapped and wouldn’t be able to manifest the hidden potential that they innately possess. In conclusion, let them choose what they want to do unless there is someone capable can oversee their activities and make them understand the results of their actions.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
’s view
differently
on how or what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should decide on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
promote the freedom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
choose what they want regarding basic commodities and lifestyle. According to them,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
develop a sense of individualism. Others believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
specific concerns that
directly
affect their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
for example
, education. If I were in their shoes, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the decision
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
would always guide on what is acceptable to what is not.

If I were to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
my son/daughter eat any food that they want, they could suffer a nutrient deficiency. Science
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are picky eaters. Allowing them to neglect their fruits and vegetables will result in malnutrition and appearance of vitamin related illness. Another is that if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
movies or any form of media that promotes violence without strict parental guidance for the sole purpose of “promoting individualism”.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
may tend to copy such acts for they do not
yet
have a full understanding of the concept of right or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. Moral values were always meant to
be taught
at home by adults.

On the other hand
, if we were to limit the capacity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to decide on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
; they would feel trapped and wouldn’t be able to manifest the hidden potential that they
innately
possess.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them choose what they want to do unless there is someone capable can oversee their activities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them understand the results of their actions.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important to make decisions about matters that affect them. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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