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Some people believe that allowing children make their own choices on everyday matters( such as food, clothes, and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that allowing children make their own choices on everyday matters( such as food, clothes, and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. v. 1
One common area of debate among parents is the extent to which children should be trusted to make their own choices and, the potential impact they will have in their sense of responsibility. Although, decision-making skills will help in some ways, I believe parents should dictate their decisions for children in order to make them aware of others. On the one hand, children who have been allowed to make their own decisions will eventually develop a sense of responsibility. For instance, if parents pick out your clothes, then you do not need to check weather forecasts, and make the choices or concerns about the trends in fashion. Over time, they will likely become dependent on their parents. Later in life, those children will not have developed any skills because of their parents, which smother them with attention and make the majority of their decisions for them. Contrast this with children, who pick out their own clothes, they will have to consider these factors carefully and it will make them responsible when it comes to shopping, and taking care of their wardrobe. On the other hand, I still personally believe that parents should make the majority of their decisions for children to make them aware of others. For example, some parents have the logical and ethical choices to be vegetarian and they force their children to do the same. This can have a positive effect not only on their individual lives, but on the environment. This is a learning opportunity for parents to teach their children about ethics. They can also make the argument that the industrial farming is inhumane and animals should be treated with more respects. Thus, this will have a carry-over effect resulting in the children growing up to be more thoughtful towards others. In conclusion, In my opinion, parents should make the majority of their decisions for children, so that, they can be more empathetic. They should work with teacher in their efforts to raise conscientious future citizens.
One common area of debate among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is the extent to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be trusted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choices and, the potential impact they will have in their sense of responsibility. Although, decision-making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should dictate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them aware of others.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
will
eventually
develop a sense of responsibility.
For instance
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
pick out your clothes, then you do not need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
weather forecasts, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the choices or concerns about the trends in fashion. Over time, they will likely become dependent on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Later in life, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will not have developed any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, which smother them with attention and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the majority of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
for them. Contrast this with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, who pick out their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
clothes, they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
consider these factors
carefully
and it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them responsible when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to shopping, and taking care of their wardrobe.

On the other hand
, I
still
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the majority of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them aware of others.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have the logical and ethical choices to be
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
vegetarian and
they force their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do the same. This can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on their individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on the environment. This is a learning opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about ethics. They can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the argument that the industrial farming is inhumane and animals should
be treated
with more respects.
Thus
, this will have a carry-over effect resulting in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
growing up to be more thoughtful towards others.

In conclusion
, In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the majority of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that, they can be more empathetic. They should work with teacher in their efforts to raise conscientious future citizens.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that allowing children make their own choices on everyday matters( such as food, clothes, and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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