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Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree and disagree with this statement? v.31

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. v. 31
I believe that having to speak a foreign language in a country is indeed a serious social problems, as well as practical problems. I'm a primary example of how much problem it caused me socially and practically when I moved into France from India for job reasons. Being born and brought up in India and stayed here whole life for nearly 30 years and then one day I was told by my manager that I need to move to France for project work. Honestly, it was super exciting because all my life I had known France through movies or books, also of Eiffel Tower especially and thought of getting to see it live only had been excited like a kid, but it wasn't that thrilling when I moved to France alone. I hardly knew more than 2 words, Bonjour and Merci so in that I just couldn't deal with not being able to communicate with anyone. I couldn't do grocery or any other basic necessary shopping also and I had to always rely on someone to help it might for buying or anything which was just infuriating after a point and that is when I realized how it is necessary to learn a foreign language. Later, I joined French classes and the happiness I had in interacting with someone or understanding what they were speaking gave me joy and another advantage I had was it helped me know French culture more clearly and embrace it fondly. So I do agree that it does cause a problem, but I believe sometimes it might cause too much mental pressure on someone who will be not be interested or also when they might not able to grasp that foreign language quickly during that time it may negative impact on them, which can be avoided if schools start educating their students with one foreign language at least because if kids start learning in tender age then not only they will be able to grasp things easily and they won't forget it easily.
I believe that having to speak a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in a country is
indeed
a serious social
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "problem"?
problems
,
as well
as practical problems.

I'm a primary example of how much problem it caused me
socially
and
practically
when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
into France from India for job reasons.
Being born
and brought up in India and stayed here whole life for
nearly
30 years and then one day I was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
by my manager that I need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to France for project work.
Honestly
, it was super exciting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all my life I had known France through movies or books,
also
of Eiffel Tower
especially
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of getting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
had
been excited
like a kid,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it wasn't that thrilling when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to France alone. I hardly knew more than 2 words, Bonjour and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Merci
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in that I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
couldn't deal with not being able to communicate with anyone. I couldn't do grocery or any other basic necessary shopping
also
and I had to always rely on someone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
it might for buying or anything which was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
infuriating after a point and
that is
when I realized how it is necessary to learn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. Later, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
French classes and the happiness I had in interacting with someone or understanding what they were speaking gave me joy and another advantage I had
Possible agreement error – use past participle here: "been".
was
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me know French culture more
clearly
and embrace it
fondly
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it does cause a problem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it might cause too much mental pressure on someone who will be not
be interested
or
also
when they might not able to grasp that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
quickly
during that time it may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on them, which can
be avoided
if schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
educating their students with one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at least
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
learning in tender age then not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they will be able to grasp things
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
easily and
they won't forget it
easily
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. v. 31

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
338 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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