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In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work, some people regard this a completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinion on this? v.3

Whether or not being involved in some type of paid work would be beneficial for children has become a debtable issue. Although the concerns of some people in terms of such a trend are understandable, in my opinion, the advantages of it outweigh the disadvantages. The proponents of this idea would argue that children will be able to earn precious experience and skills when they are doing part-time jobes. Becoming punctual and trying to meet deadlines, for instance, would be just a couple of them. For another example, they would learn how to co-operate with others during teamwork and to associate their success with that of others. Last but not least, such valuable work experience not only develops a strong work ethic and conscience in these children but also helps them figure out how hard making money is, and as a result, they would likely to manage their spendings more wisely. On the other hand, the opponents of this scheme contend that schools' time-table is already too busy that makes it almost impossible to add to it. Furthermore, children must have adequate time to devote to their leisure and favourite activities during their childhood, and they will have enogh time to acquire necessary work requirements in their adult and working lives. It also might be agued that if it was allowed for children to occupy such jobs, they would probably be exploited by some company owners because of their lower wages. In conclusion, in my view, children would certainly benefit from doing part-time jobs if the government, schools' authorities, and, of course, their parents take responsibility for playing a monitoring role in this respect.
Whether or not
being involved
in
some
type of paid
work
would be beneficial for
children
has become a
debtable
issue. Although the concerns of
some
people
in terms of such a trend are understandable, in my opinion, the advantages of it outweigh the disadvantages.

The proponents of this
idea
would argue that
children
will be able to earn precious experience and
skills
when they are doing part-time
jobes
. Becoming punctual and trying to
meet
deadlines,
for instance
, would be
just
a couple of them. For another example, they would learn how to co-operate with others during teamwork and to associate their success with that of others. Last
but
not least, such valuable
work
experience not
only
develops a strong
work
ethic and conscience in these
children
but
also
helps
them figure out how
hard
making money is, and
as a result
, they would likely to manage their
spendings
more
wisely
.

On the other hand
, the opponents of this scheme contend that schools' time-table is already too busy that
makes
it almost impossible to
add
to it.
Furthermore
,
children
must
have adequate time to devote to their leisure and
favourite
activities during their childhood, and they will have
enogh
time to acquire necessary
work
requirements in their adult and working
lives
. It
also
might be
agued
that if it was
allowed
for
children
to occupy such jobs, they would
probably
be exploited
by
some
company
owners
because
of their lower wages.

In conclusion
, in my view,
children
would
certainly
benefit from doing part-time jobs if the
government
, schools' authorities, and,
of course
, their parents take responsibility for playing a monitoring role in this respect.
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IELTS essay In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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