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In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work, some people regard this a completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinion on this? v.1

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work, some people regard this a completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinion on this? v. 1
In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. While people have different views of toddler worker, in my opinion disadvantages of being a child labour outweigh the advantages. Juvenile paid job has several benefits for the parents and employers and children themselves. Firstly, the children who work can acquire skills, they also can cover their expenses and become financially stable. Furthermore, by working, children gain self-esteem, and command respect from their elders. Secondly, work of a youngster is beneficial to some extent for their family. However, for the poverty stricken parents the work of their child is most beneficial. According to statistics, children commonly contribute around 20-25 percent of family income. Finally, the job of adolescent is most profitable for the employers in comparison to the parents. Children are cheap labourers. Moreover, because they are children, they have a particular physical characteristic like a nimble finger, sharp eyesight and sharp memory. On the other hand, adolescent labour definitely has some drawbacks to all parties. By joining in the labour market from a very tender age, children become homeless and are devoid of love, care and affection, which is the basic right of a child. Besides, the right to recreation, leisure and other pleasures of childhood are affected by working as teenager labourers. Although effort of children has some positive effect on the family, this benefit is for short periods only and education has much better effect, especially in this modern world. Employers should be aware that hiring a youth in any way is against the law in many countries. They may be sentenced to pay penalty or even to go to prison. In conclusion, while the offspring job is beneficial for many parties, but the drawbacks outweigh the cons and in my opinion, children should spend their full time in their education program.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are engaged
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. While
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views of toddler worker, in my opinion disadvantages of being a child
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
outweigh the advantages.

Juvenile paid job has several benefits for the parents and employers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
themselves.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can acquire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, they
also
can cover their expenses and become
financially
stable.
Furthermore
, by working,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
gain self-esteem, and command respect from their elders.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
of a youngster is beneficial to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent for their family.
However
, for the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
poverty stricken
parents the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
of their child is most beneficial. According to statistics,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
commonly
contribute around 20-25 percent of family income.
Finally
, the job of adolescent is most profitable for the employers
in comparison
to the parents.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they have a particular physical characteristic like a nimble finger, sharp eyesight and sharp memory.

On the other hand
, adolescent
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
definitely has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks to all parties. By joining in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tender age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become homeless and are devoid of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, care and affection, which is the basic right of a child.
Besides
, the right to recreation, leisure and other pleasures of childhood are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by working as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
. Although effort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on the family, this benefit is for short periods
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
and education has much better effect,
especially
in this modern world. Employers should be aware that hiring a youth in any way is against the law in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. They may
be sentenced
to pay penalty or even to go to prison.

In conclusion
, while the offspring job is beneficial for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parties,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the drawbacks outweigh the cons and in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should spend their full time in their education program.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work, some people regard this a completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinion on this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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