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In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. discuss both views and give your opinions on this issue? v.9

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. v. 9
Now-a-days we find a lot many children are engaged in paid work in various fields like food industry, transportation, construction and many more. I strongly disagree with the people who considers it as wrong. The children belong to below poverty line in many developing countries in which they do not have enough food for the entire family or shelter to live in. They work for very less wages and spend more time at work to avail little money for survival. They lend a helping hand to their parents who require funds for family maintenance and health related expenses. This helps in improved skill, experience as well as learning at such tender age. Supporting family and taking up responsibilities make them independent. At a later point in time, this will The government should provide the basic amenities to homeless people and their families. Also, some amount of money for a child benefit program would help. That can prevent the children from taking up a job at an early age instead of attending school for minimum education level. To build a nation, we need to have to educate citizens and spread awareness of such issues. Plans should be developed by the government in allocating funds for family welfare and child education. E. g. In some parts of Odisha, a province in India, the ruling party has introduced different schemes. A family gets whole food at negligible prices so that no one dies of hunger. Free education is offered to kids who cannot register and avail schooling. Medical facilities also provided to them at free of cost.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
-a-days we find a lot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children
are engaged
in paid work in various fields like food industry, transportation, construction and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.

I
strongly
disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
Did you mean "consider"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
considers
it as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. The children belong to below poverty line in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
in which they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
food for the entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
or shelter to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in. They work for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun wages is countable.
less
wages and spend more time at work to avail
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
money for survival. They lend a helping hand to their parents who require funds for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
maintenance and health related expenses. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
, experience
as well
as learning at such tender age. Supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and taking up responsibilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them independent. At a later point in time, this
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
will


The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide the basic amenities to homeless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount of money for a child benefit program would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. That can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the children from taking up a job at an early age
instead
of attending school for minimum education level. To build a nation, we need to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
educate citizens and spread awareness of such issues. Plans should
be developed
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in allocating funds for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
welfare and child education.

There should be no space here: "e.g.".
E. g.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of Odisha, a province in India, the ruling party has introduced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
schemes. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
whole food at negligible prices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that no one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dies
of hunger. Free education
is offered
to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "kid".
kids
who cannot register and avail schooling. Medical facilities
also
provided to them at free of cost.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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