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In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as a valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.7

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as a valuable work experience. v. 7
Recently, more teenagers engage themselves in employments that yield remunerations, while some of the population are of the opinion that it adds up as appreciable work experience, others view it as totally bad. I, however, will clarify both views and state my stance. To begin with, doing jobs at young age allow financial independence. This means that children will no longer have to rely solely on their parents or guardians for petty things as they will be able to afford those items by themselves, hence reducing financial burdens and commitments such as university funding on their parents. In addition to this, these children will advance swiftly in their chosen career paths. Working for an establishment at younger age tends to make them know within that company and therefore employable subsequently such that in a case whereby they go back to complete their studies, on returning they already have greater chances to be employed back to that company so they can move easily up the hierarchy ladder therein. For example, some banking institutions offer paid internship roles to undergraduates with guarantee that upon graduation, they will be employed and by so doing they have an edge over counterparts who were not previously employed. On the other hand, paid employment on adolescents could make them frivolous in their spending. This is because unlimited access to money can trigger impulse buying hence impaired saving culture, As an instance, a survey carried out in a popular university showed that majority of those students that drive the luxury cars are not those from wealthy backgrounds instead those that worked at younger ages while growing up. Secondly, this can make them under-perform in their education. Most times, they have to work while studying and this could lead to reduced attention span in matters relating to their studies and subsequently failure as the act of successful multitasking is a very technical one and could lead to misplaced priorities if not failure at one or more of the tasks. In conclusion, the argument of whether children should be employed is valid. It is advisable because it gives the child monetary breakthrough as well as quick progression in career but in my own opinion, it should not be encouraged because it gives room to reckless spending and educational failure. To prevent these, the government can increase child benefits globally.
Recently, more
teenagers
engage themselves in employments that yield remunerations, while
some of the
population are of the opinion that it
adds
up as appreciable work experience, others view it as
totally
bad
. I,
however
, will clarify both views and state my stance.

To
begin
with, doing jobs at young age
allow
financial independence. This means that children will no longer
have to
rely
solely
on their parents or guardians for petty things as they will be able to afford those items by themselves,
hence
reducing financial burdens and commitments such as university funding on their parents.
In addition
to this, these children will advance
swiftly
in their chosen career paths. Working for an establishment at younger age tends to
make
them know within that
company
and
therefore
employable
subsequently
such that in a case whereby they go back to complete their studies, on returning they already have greater chances to
be employed
back to that
company
so
they can
move
easily
up the hierarchy ladder therein.
For example
,
some
banking institutions offer paid internship roles to undergraduates with guarantee that upon graduation, they will
be employed
and by
so
doing they have an edge over counterparts who were not previously employed.

On the other hand
, paid employment on adolescents could
make
them frivolous in their spending. This is
because
unlimited access to money can trigger impulse buying
hence
impaired saving culture, As an instance, a survey carried out in a popular university
showed
that majority of those students that drive the luxury cars are not those from wealthy backgrounds
instead
those that worked at younger ages while growing up.
Secondly
, this can
make
them under-perform in their education. Most times, they
have to
work while studying and this could lead to
reduced
attention span in matters relating to their studies and
subsequently
failure as the act of successful multitasking is a
very
technical one and could lead to misplaced priorities if not failure at one or more of the tasks.

In conclusion
, the argument of whether children should
be employed
is valid. It is advisable
because
it gives the child monetary breakthrough
as well
as quick progression in career
but
in my
own
opinion, it should not
be encouraged
because
it gives room to reckless spending and educational failure. To
prevent
these, the
government
can increase child benefits globally.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as a valuable work experience. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
390 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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