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In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this? v.5

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this? v. 5
The issue of children doing paid work is a complex and sensitive one. It is difficult to say who has the right to judge whether children working is ‘wrong’ or ‘valuable’. Opinions will also differ as to ‘learning’ benefits: no doubt teachers and factory owners, for example, would have varying concerns. An important consideration is the kind of work undertaken. Young children doing arduous and repetitive tasks on a factory production line, for example, are less likely to be ‘learning’ than older children helping in an old people’s home. There are health and safety issues to be considered as well. It is an unfortunate fact that many employers may prefer to use the services of children simply to save money by paying them less than adults and it is this type of exploitation that should be discouraged. However, in many countries, children work because their families need the additional income, no matter how small. This was certainly the case in the past in many industrialized countries, and it is very difficult to judge that it is wrong for children today to contribute to the family income in this way. Nevertheless, in better economic circumstances, few parents would choose to send their children out to full-time paid work. If learning responsibilities and work experience are considered to be important, then chitdren can acquire these by having light, parttime jobs or even doing tasks such as helping their parents around the family home, which are unpaid, but undoubtedly of value in children’s development.
The issue of
children
doing paid
work
is a complex and sensitive one. It is difficult to say who has the right to judge whether
children
working is ‘
wrong
’ or ‘valuable’. Opinions will
also
differ as to ‘learning’ benefits: no doubt teachers and factory owners,
for example
, would have varying concerns.

An
important
consideration is the kind of
work
undertaken. Young
children
doing arduous and repetitive tasks on a factory production line,
for example
, are less likely to be ‘learning’ than older
children
helping in an
old
people
’s home. There are health and safety issues to
be considered
as well
. It is an unfortunate fact that
many
employers may prefer to
use
the services of
children
simply
to save money by paying them less than adults and it is this type of exploitation that should
be discouraged
.

However
, in
many
countries,
children
work
because
their families need the additional income, no matter how
small
. This was
certainly
the case in the past in
many
industrialized countries, and it is
very
difficult to judge that it is
wrong
for
children
today
to contribute to the family income in this way.

Nevertheless
, in better economic circumstances, few parents would choose to
send
their
children
out to full-time paid
work
. If learning responsibilities and
work
experience
are considered
to be
important
, then
chitdren
can acquire these by having light,
parttime
jobs or even doing tasks such as helping their parents around the family home, which are unpaid,
but
undoubtedly
of value in
children’s
development.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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