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In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this issue? v.4

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this issue? v. 4
It has been a common trend in a number of countries that children from a young age get involved in some sort of work for which they get paid. For this matter, people hold different views. For some, involvement of youngsters in the work for salary is really inappropriate whereas others look at the positive side as working at a young age can help them to gain experience and inculcate various good etiquettes. I also agree with the latter view. The youth has a benefit of having high energy level, enthusiasm and zeal of trying something new. So if all these features are channeled into a positive direction, wonders can happen. For instance, if a child joins some job along with studies, it can teach the art of time management and help in earning pocket money. This means productive utilization of free time. Further, this can prevent the individuals from indulging in the wrong practices as they don’t have time to focus on other things except for the work and studies. However, work from young age can have certain cons also. Working for money, can generate a sense of greed in individuals which might divert their attention from studies. Furthermore, having access to money also gives them the freedom to get involved in various unnecessary activities, for which parents need to keep a check. To conclude I can say that, if one gets the habit of working at early age, it will definitely help them in building a bright future, we can get polished youth, but at the same time a balance need to be maintained in work and studies for which parents should definitely help their wards.
It has been a common trend in a number of countries that children from a young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid. For this matter,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, involvement of youngsters in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for salary is
really
inappropriate whereas others look at the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side as working at a young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to gain experience and inculcate various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake found.
etiquettes
. I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter view.

The youth has a benefit of having high energy level, enthusiasm and zeal of trying something new.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
if all these features
are channeled
into a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
direction, wonders can happen.
For instance
, if a child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joins
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
job along with studies, it can teach the art of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in earning pocket money. This means productive utilization of free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Further
, this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the individuals from indulging in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
practices as they don’t have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to focus on other things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and studies.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
can have certain cons
also
. Working for money, can generate a sense of greed in individuals which might divert their attention from studies.
Furthermore
, having access to money
also
gives them the freedom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in various unnecessary activities, for which parents need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
.

To conclude
I can say that, if one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
the habit of working at early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, it will definitely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them in building a bright future, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
polished youth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
a balance need to
be maintained
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and studies for which parents should definitely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
their wards.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this issue? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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