Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this issue? v.23

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this issue? v. 23
Children are involved in a significant number of nations in different kinds of paid work. While it's believed by some people that this is extremely incorrect, others regard this as a precious professional experience that is crucial for being a responsible and thoughtful individual. Despite some benefits, child abuse by engaging them in physical forms of jobs could harm their character and negatively affect their mental health. In my opinion, young individuals should spend enough time learning and enjoying a normal childhood before getting involved in any kind of job. In fact, a child who gets familiar with some kind of paid work will gain life experiences that would have been otherwise impossible if he had only waited till adulthood. Furthermore, he would get into situations where he will have to adapt and he will have the opportunity to learn and take responsibilities. For instance, Oliver Twist was an innocent young person when he was kidnapped in his early years, an experience, that helped him to be a great fictional role model. Therefore, it would be accurate to say that for a child to start a paid task or duty in his early life, is not always a bad thing. On the contrary, they are not mature yet and having to go through such overwhelming circumstances would have a bad effect on the long run. In addition, they might grow up to be mentally disturbed adults. For example, In Africa, children are being exploited in farming and that leads to psychological diseases. It is for these reasons, it's not necessary to deprive a seven-year-old person from his normal life cycle. In conclusion, although some people regard using children in some sort of paid skills as completely wrong, others consider it as a valuable opportunity, important for learning and taking responsibility. It's a controversial behaviour, however, it might be such a privilege. From my perspective, I think humans should live a healthy childhood where they should only learn and enjoy their age.
Children
are involved
in a significant number of nations in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
work. While it's believed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that this is
extremely
incorrect, others regard this as a precious professional experience
that is
crucial for being a responsible and thoughtful individual. Despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits, child abuse by engaging them in physical forms of jobs could harm their character and
negatively
affect their mental health. In my opinion, young individuals should spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time learning and enjoying a normal childhood
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
getting involved in any kind of job.

In fact, a child who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
familiar with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
work will gain life experiences that would have been
otherwise
impossible if he had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
waited till adulthood.
Furthermore
, he would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into situations where he will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
adapt and
he will have the opportunity to learn and take responsibilities.
For instance
, Oliver Twist was an innocent young person when he
was kidnapped
in his early years, an experience, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
him to be a great fictional role model.
Therefore
, it would be accurate to say that for a child to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
task or duty in his early life, is not always a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
thing.

On the contrary
, they are not mature
yet
and having to go through such overwhelming circumstances would have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect on the long run.
In addition
, they might grow up to be mentally disturbed adults.
For example
, In Africa, children are
being exploited
in farming and that leads to psychological diseases. It is for these reasons, it's not necessary to deprive a seven-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
person from his normal life cycle.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
regard using children in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, others consider it as a valuable opportunity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for learning and taking responsibility. It's a controversial
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
,
however
, it might be such a privilege. From my perspective, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
humans should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthy childhood where they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
learn and enjoy their age.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this issue? v. 23

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts