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In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this? v.22

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this? v. 22
The issue of children doing paid job is a complex and sensitive one. It is difficult to say whether children should work or not work. It depends on the conditions. Firstly, I will consider why this is wrong for parents of the future who is now a child. Secondly, I will explore if teenagers need a job, which reason and what they need a job during the time. Starting with, there are several reasons why kids ought not to work. In the beginning, employers may give big and complex jobs to do these little girls and boys that will make them feel imperfect. They will believe like they do not have adequate skills. The workload will be too much for them. Later, if bosses do not give their money, which they deserve, they do not wish to effort anymore. For instance, children may quit her/his studying thanks to pressure and injustice. After, working can give some benefits such as experience, communication skills, pocket money. In my opinion, these are more important than taking a high score for the exam. For example, a child without any working practice will demonstrate more issues to employ life, however, the one who had practice will adapt more quickly. Furthermore, youth should take their money and get accurate working condition standards that it is a necessity. In conclusion, It seems that children could have professional experience if the employer and school give them this opportunity and situations. I support these sort of activities as I did when I was a child.
The issue of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
doing paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is a complex and sensitive one. It is difficult to say whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should work or not work. It depends on the conditions.
Firstly
, I will consider why this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
for parents of the future who is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a child.
Secondly
, I will explore if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
need a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, which reason and what they need a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
during the time.

Starting with, there are several reasons why kids ought not to work. In the beginning, employers may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
and complex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to do these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
girls and boys that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel imperfect. They will believe like they do not have adequate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. The workload will be too much for them. Later, if bosses do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
their money, which they deserve, they do not wish to effort anymore.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may quit her/his studying thanks to pressure and injustice.

After, working can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits such as experience, communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, pocket money. In my opinion, these are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than taking a high score for the exam.
For example
, a child without any working practice will demonstrate more issues to employ life,
however
, the one who had practice will adapt more
quickly
.
Furthermore
, youth should take their money and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
accurate working condition standards that it is a necessity.

In conclusion
, It seems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could have professional experience if the employer and school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
them this opportunity and situations. I support
Did you mean "this sort" or "these sorts"?
these sort
of activities as I did when I was a child.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this? v. 22

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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