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In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as very wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience important for learning and taking responsibilities. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.18

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as very wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience important for learning and taking responsibilities. v. 18
Nowadays, younger generations are doing part time or full time job to earn some money. While many people believe that, this is not fair to do this kind of work at this age, many still think that this is so crucial to acquire the experience about what are they going to face in their adult life, they would gain the understanding of how to take responsibility. This essay will discuss why this is not good for children, but why this is so necessary and beneficial to do for themselves. Working at an early period of the life is not good, while the study is. At this age they should be studying instead of working, because if they study well, then their future would be brighter than who are not studying. Education will provide them required skills and knowledge about this world, which they can use to get a job with a descent salary. For example, in some part of India people at the very young period about 12 years starts working to fulfil their daily needs. Due to this they are still at the same post and no promotions are noticed. Working early means their future is limited to some extent. Working at so young age also has some merits. This will make them realize about the real life, so they will become mature at very earlier age. Because they are already aware of their situation and they have realized that what are they going to face in their upcoming life stage. For example, in India many successful businessmen had started taking responsibilities in their teenage. They have accepted that if they had not done that, their situation would be worse. Becoming mature at this age is really an achievement. In conclusion, this essay discussed why working in childhood has some demerits and numerous advantages. In my opinion, taking responsibility at this stage of life is really good experience about life.
Nowadays, younger generations are doing
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
or full time job to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that, this is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
to do this kind of work at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
crucial to acquire the experience about what are they going to face in their adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, they would gain the understanding of how to take responsibility. This essay will discuss why this is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
why this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
necessary and beneficial to do for themselves.

Working at an early period of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, while the study is. At this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
they should be studying
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if they study well, then their future would be brighter than who are not studying. Education will provide them required
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge about this world, which they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job with a descent salary.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young period about 12 years
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
to fulfil their daily needs. Due to this they are
still
at the same post and no promotions
are noticed
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
early means their future
is limited
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.

Working at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them realize about the real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will become mature at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they are already aware of their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
situation and
they have realized that what are they going to face in their upcoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
stage.
For example
, in India
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
successful businessmen had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
taking responsibilities in their teenage. They have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that if they had not done that, their situation would be worse. Becoming mature at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is
really
an achievement.

In conclusion
, this essay discussed why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in childhood has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits and numerous advantages. In my opinion, taking responsibility at this stage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
experience about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as very wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience important for learning and taking responsibilities. v. 18

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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