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In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. what are your opinion on this? v.15

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. what are your opinion on this? v. 15
In many parts of the world, children are being used as a source of money for many families by engaging them into paying jobs. Some argue that this is beneficial to them by giving them task experience. I do not agree with that and I think children must enjoy their childhood term with a chance to be educated and be used or manipulated by others. To begin with, the youngsters must enjoy their childhood age. Sending them to struggle mean you deprive them from this important era of mental development and exploration. For example, children like to spend their day by playing with their imaginary simple and exquisite world. Example of that, toddler like to spend hours playing with their peer friends football, which has a tremendous positive effect on both their physical and mental development and forcing them to industry will exert emotional and extra-physical stress or burden on their bodies. It is clear that, children who works regularly have little advantage with education in comparison with children who do not. This is definitely true, since inefficient time will be available for them to attend school. This in turn will put them in the corner of illiterate people that limit their choices of futuristic endeavour. As such, many those who are in the causal jobs or the low income positions they did struggle during their childhood season and did not get the chance of learning or school enrolment. Finally, the children's job market always put them at risk of exploitation, as working in the streets or the cross road will make them vulnerable to gangs which they provide them with shelter in return for their deployment into illegal acts or offences. Moreover, they are at risk of sexual molestation or harassment. To summarize, indulging children in the working class can be dangerous and immoral since you put them in a place not suitable for their age and level of thinking.
In
many
parts of the world,
children
are being
used
as a source of money for
many
families by engaging them into paying jobs.
Some
argue that this is beneficial to them by giving them task experience. I do not
agree
with that and I
think
children
must
enjoy their childhood term with a chance to
be educated
and be
used
or manipulated by others.

To
begin
with, the youngsters
must
enjoy their childhood age. Sending them to struggle mean you
deprive them from
this
important
era of mental development and exploration.
For example
,
children
like to spend their day by playing with their imaginary simple and exquisite world. Example of that, toddler like to spend hours playing with their peer friends football, which has a tremendous
positive
effect on both their physical and mental development and forcing them to industry will exert emotional and extra-physical
stress
or burden on their bodies.

It is
clear
that,
children
who
works
regularly
have
little
advantage with education
in comparison
with
children
who do not. This is definitely true, since inefficient time will be available for them to attend school. This in turn will put them in the corner of illiterate
people
that limit their choices of futuristic
endeavour
. As such,
many
those who are in the causal jobs or the low income positions they did struggle during their childhood season and did not
get
the chance of learning or school
enrolment
.

Finally
, the children's job market always put them at
risk
of exploitation, as working in the streets or the cross road will
make
them vulnerable to gangs which they provide them with shelter in return for their deployment into illegal acts or
offences
.
Moreover
, they are at
risk
of sexual molestation or harassment.

To summarize
, indulging
children
in the working
class
can be
dangerous
and immoral since you put them in a place not suitable for their age and level of thinking.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. what are your opinion on this? v. 15

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
321 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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