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In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as a valuable work experience. discuss both opinions and give your opinion v.12

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as a valuable work experience. 12
The contemporary eon is based on the principle of the 'survival of the fittest' and for this reason, it is vital for the new generation to prepare for any unexpected circumstances. However, there are two different schools of thoughts on the question that, whether should the wards need to be engaged in work or not? . I will try to discuss both the viewpoint to reach at a conclusion in following paragraphs. In the present scenario, it is important that the young ones should understand the value of the work. It is believed by the wide section of the society that children ought to be trained and realised about the difficulties they might face at a later stage of life and in lieu of doing so they must be given the exposure to work up to an extent at an early stage of life. Such culture develops the sense of discipline and responsibility in the children and provide them with courage and confidence. For example, working at cash counter will polish their skills to organise the money and calculations. Further, working with others will give them a chance to know about teamwork. Hence, it becomes necessary to put a child through such work culture in his or her bright future. On the other side, it is the belief of many that the trend of working at an early age may be proven fatal to the progress in life. Such phenomenon may weaken the chances of one to enrol for higher studies. A study reports that numerous of teenagers, who were involved in the early age work, could never make to the university for advanced education. Moreover, such students may not ever get a chance to explore oneself's potential. The extent of the skills of such child may be vanished due to excessive involvement in the work. For example child sometimes set limits in his life at such stage. Thus child engagement in work at an early age must not be promoted. To conclude, it could be said that although early age work involvement is must for a better disciplined and motivated and organised life. However, child's future perspectives must not be ignored and he must be given environment to grow.
The contemporary eon
is based
on the principle of the 'survival of the fittest' and
for this reason
, it is vital for the new generation to prepare for any unexpected circumstances.
However
, there are two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
schools of thoughts on the question that, whether should the wards need to
be engaged
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or not?
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
I will try to discuss both the viewpoint to reach at a conclusion in following paragraphs.

In the present scenario, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that the young ones should understand the value of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. It
is believed
by the wide section of the society that children ought to
be trained
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'realised' is British English.
realised
about the difficulties they might face at a later stage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and in lieu of doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the exposure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
up to an extent at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
stage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Such culture develops the sense of discipline and responsibility in the children and provide them with courage and confidence.
For example
, working at cash counter will polish their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
the money and calculations.
Further
, working with others will give them a chance to know about teamwork.
Hence
, it becomes necessary to put a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
through such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
culture in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
bright future.

On the other side, it is the belief of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that the trend of working at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
may
be proven
fatal to the progress in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Such phenomenon may weaken the chances of one to enrol for higher studies. A study reports that numerous of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, who
were involved
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, could never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
to the university for advanced education.
Moreover
, such students may not ever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to explore oneself's potential. The extent of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
may
be vanished
due to excessive involvement in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For example
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
set limits in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
at such stage.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
engagement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
be promoted
.

To conclude
, it could
be said
that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
involvement is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for a better disciplined and motivated and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
, child's future perspectives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not be
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
ignored and
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
environment to grow.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as a valuable work experience. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
370 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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