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In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this? v.11

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this? v. 11
The children are future citizen our country. Thus, Among the conflicted arguments, as some family think that the children worker impact on the developing their both responsibilities and skills, but some not. However, the jobs, enhance our personal experience. So it should begin early years in the human life. Some skills are not developed as the person does nothing. Research reveals that the person who spends time into the work, could be adding more skills and change their personal behaviour. Therefore, if the children work in early age as possible, they can learn too fast and more. For instance, the child might learn waking up early, daily plans, coping with the some events and control the money. Moreover, they might support to family and understand to their parents. The responsibilities are the most important attitude. Because, the person uses that skill every stage of the life. The child can improve self-care, home cleaning, regulating sleep time and doing daily chores. For instance, some researches prove that the to be have a job in the childhood has effect of the making, new innovation and improving leader specifications of the children. Moreover, some researchers claim that the manager of the big companies's CEOs has a childhood work experience in their history. In addition the most of manager supports the early working age. To the sum, all the reason has shown that the childhood experiences lead to more skilful children and make more stable persons. So that, there is no doubt that these children can change not only our environment but also the world.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are future citizen our country.
Thus
, Among the conflicted arguments, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "families"?
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
worker impact on the developing their both responsibilities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
not.
However
, the jobs, enhance our personal experience.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
years in the human life.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are not developed as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
does nothing. Research reveals that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who spends time into the work, could be adding more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their personal
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Therefore
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
work in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
age as possible, they can learn too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and more.
For instance
, the child might learn waking up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
, daily plans, coping with the
Did you mean "same"?
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and control the money.
Moreover
, they might support to family and understand to their parents.

The responsibilities are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
attitude.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
every stage of the life. The child can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
self-care, home cleaning, regulating sleep time and doing daily chores.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
researches prove that the to be
Consider using a past participle here: "had".
have
a job in the childhood has effect of the making, new innovation and improving leader specifications of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
researchers claim that the manager of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
Did you mean "companie's" or "companies'"?
companies's
CEOs has a childhood work experience in their history. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
the
Consider using "most manager" or "most of the manager".
most of manager
supports the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
working age.

To the sum, all the reason has shown that the childhood experiences lead to more
Possible spelling mistake. 'skilful' is British English.
skilful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, there is no doubt that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
our environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the world.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this? v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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