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In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learninh and taking responsibilities. What are your opinions on this? v.10

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learninh and taking responsibilities. What are your opinions on this? v. 10
These days, the industrial development has deeply changed the frame of work experiences. In particular, especially concerning in developing countries, the rate of younger that are forced to work, has risen. I completely disagree with the idea that this situation can be interpreted as a way of growing or either of acquiring more responsibilities, and in this essay, I will support my opinion with examples. There are several drawbacks behind this phenomenon, since children may lose their freedom. For example, the daily routine of children consists in having tuitions and studying at home. If they are forced also to work somewhere, they would pass up their leisure time. Instead of playing with friends and feeding their imagination, children would be involved in busy activities. Another reason that support my view, is that in developing countries this neither seems to be a choice. In these places, very young children have to work in factories, mostly in the textile area, as adults do. What's more, they are mistreated and exploited and also badly paid. Surely, this is evaluated as a crime, but is still a widespread reality. Having said that, there is also another relevant point of view. If you look at this work as a children's pastime or as a way of teaching practical skills, we can probably claim it could be an educational moment. If parents, as an example, ask their children to use the lawn mower or to clean something, offering them some rewards, this can be partially considered a work and meanwhile a chance to empower the younger. To sum up, the juvenile work should be recognised and labelled as a crime to condemn, since subtracts and erases the younger youth; on the other side, involving children in some homeworks can be viewed as an educational moment.
These days, the industrial development has
deeply
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the frame of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experiences.
In particular
,
especially
concerning in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, the rate of younger that
are forced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, has risen.

I completely disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that this situation can
be interpreted
as a way of growing or either of acquiring more responsibilities, and in this essay, I will support my opinion with examples.

There are several drawbacks behind this phenomenon, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may lose their freedom.
For example
, the daily routine of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
consists in having
Possible spelling mistake found.
tuitions
and studying at home. If they
are forced
also
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
somewhere, they would pass up their leisure time.
Instead
of playing with friends and feeding their imagination,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would
be involved
in busy activities.

Another reason that support my view, is that in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
this neither seems to be a choice. In these places,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in factories,
mostly
in the textile area, as adults do. What's more, they
are mistreated
and exploited and
also
badly
paid.
Surely
, this
is evaluated
as a crime,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is
still
a widespread reality.

Having said that, there is
also
another relevant point of view. If you look at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as a children's pastime or as a way of teaching practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, we can
probably
claim it could be an educational moment. If parents, as an example, ask their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the lawn mower or to clean something, offering them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rewards, this can be
partially
considered a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and meanwhile a chance to empower the younger.

To sum up, the juvenile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognised' is British English.
recognised
and labelled as a crime to condemn, since subtracts and erases the younger youth; on the other side, involving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
homeworks can
be viewed
as an educational moment.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learninh and taking responsibilities. What are your opinions on this? v. 10

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
299 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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