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In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this issue? v.1

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this issue? v. 1
Children are the asset of any nation. It is very important to teach them about what challanges they will face in the future. Parents enforce their child to work for money in many nations. Many people think that this is completely unfair. Contradictary, a group of people believe that start working from childhood will help them in the future life and this experience will definately help them to tackle with difficult situation. To begin with, childhood is the most crusial stage of every person. The way parents grow up their children play a vital role in every child's life. According to some people, giving good education to children is more important than to employe them for money. Moreover, instead of concentrating on academic curriculum, they become money oriented. For instance, a professor at the University of Windsor told that 35. 68% of primary school students in Ontario (Canada) has left their study to earn some penny. Therefore, many people are against employing children in the workforce. On the other hand, a group of people are in favour of employing their child for some kind of work. This is because these people think that taking responsibilities from childhood will make him stronger competitor in this fast paced world, which will be definately very helpful for them to deal with difficult situations in future. For example, a survey done in Chicago revealed that people who worked during their early age were relatively more successful in their career as compare to children who never worked. In summary, these people consider that working as children is good for them in their future endeavours. To conclude, nurture of children is very important for the prosperity of any country. In my opinion, children should be taught how to earn money in their early age so that they can understand importance of money.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are the asset of any nation. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to teach them about what
Possible spelling mistake found.
challanges
they will face in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. Parents enforce their child to work for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is completely unfair.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Contradictary
, a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working from childhood will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
life and this experience will
Possible spelling mistake found.
definately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to tackle with difficult situation.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, childhood is the most
Possible spelling mistake found.
crusial
stage of every person. The way parents grow up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
play a vital role in every child's life. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, giving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than to
Possible spelling mistake found.
employe
them for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Moreover
,
instead
of concentrating on academic curriculum, they become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
oriented.
For instance
, a professor at the University of Windsor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
that 35. 68% of primary school students in Ontario (Canada) has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
their study to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
penny.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are against employing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the workforce.

On the other hand
, a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of employing their child for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of work. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that taking responsibilities from childhood will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him stronger competitor in this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced world, which will be
Possible spelling mistake found.
definately
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful for them to deal with difficult situations in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
For example
, a survey done in Chicago revealed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who worked during their early age were
relatively
more successful in their career as compare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who never worked. In summary, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that working as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for them in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavours' is British English.
endeavours
.

To conclude
, nurture of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the prosperity of any country. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be taught
how to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in their early age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can understand importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this issue? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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