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In many children are engaged in different kinds of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it a valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What is your opinion? v.3

In many children are engaged in different kinds of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it a valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What is your opinion? v. 3
It is quite obvious that the working of youths has aroused a lot of people's interest and arguments about it. People have already differed around it. Some people claim that adolescents work has benefits outweigh the disadvantages, whilst others believe that young people have to enjoy their time. This essay will deal with the both opposing views, in order to reach the most appropriate concept. On one hand, a group of people argue that the adolescents will gain more skills from early age work for the following reasons. Firstly, youths will be reliable and have the ability to be more responsible. Additionally, they will gain much money to be able to cover their basic need and carry money for their future. For example, if young people acquire a job in a small age, they will have advantages over their colleagues. Nevertheless, other individuals have a totally different principle, they believe that adolescents do not have to work at small age and they have their causes. First, youths must spend their time in education, besides, explore a new nation by travelling abroad. Furthermore, learn a new language to be able to acquire a job in a multinational organization which requires a bilingual candidate. For instance, adolescents can utilize their spare time in learning new skills, like communication and negotiation skills, instead of working. To summarize, even though both concepts seem convincing, as each one of them has its own rationale. Yet, I strongly agree with the last opinion, which states that children must not get a job in early ages, for the previous mentioned reasons.
It is quite obvious that the working of youths has aroused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's interest and arguments about it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have already differed around it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adolescents
work has benefits outweigh the disadvantages, whilst others believe that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
enjoy their time. This essay will deal with the both opposing views, in order to reach the most appropriate concept.

On one hand, a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adolescents
will gain more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
from early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
work for the following reasons.
Firstly
, youths will be reliable and have the ability to be more responsible.
Additionally
, they will gain much money to be able to cover their basic need and carry money for their future.
For example
, if young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
acquire a job in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, they will have advantages over their colleagues.

Nevertheless
, other individuals have a
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
principle, they believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adolescents
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
age and
they have their causes.
First
, youths
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
spend their time in education,
besides
, explore a new nation by travelling abroad.
Furthermore
, learn a new language to be able to acquire a job in a multinational organization which requires a bilingual candidate.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adolescents
can utilize their spare time in learning new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, like communication and negotiation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
instead
of working.

To summarize
,
even though
both concepts seem convincing, as each one of them has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
rationale.
Yet
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the last opinion, which states that children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job in early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
, for the previous mentioned reasons.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In many children are engaged in different kinds of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it a valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What is your opinion? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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