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Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. v.29

Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. v. 29
It is a fact that there are a lot of languages in this world, but every year several of the languages just disappear. A group of people believe that the extinction of some languages is not a crucial problem since communication will be more effective with fewer languages. Although some people think that the extinction of some languages is not a serious problem, I do believe that the diversity of the world languages has a lot of benefits for the individual and the society as well. To begin with, it is undeniable that out of hundreds of languages that have existed, few languages extinct every year. It is believed that the disappearance was due to the globalisation and the westernisation of the European and American, which have forced people to communicate in International languages such as English, German or French. Other people have an opinion that the extinction of the languages is not a serious threat to the world since most of them that die out are minority languages which are spoken by several people. Therefore they would not make a significant impact on the world.   Besides that, the usage of several international languages has made business interaction or diplomatic negotiation among nations or continents become easier. On the other hand, the uncountable number of languages that have existed shows the uniqueness of the world cultures. It is necessary to maintain the diversity of the world languages since each of the languages represents the identity of a community or a tribe. Besides that, although some of the languages might only be spoken by several people, it has an important function. Many of the traditional myths are written or documented in the minority languages, and if they die out, then the culture would also be lost. In conclusion, I personally disagree with the opinion that with only several languages that exist in the world, life will be easier. I believe that the variety of languages shows the richness of the world civilisations and they should be passed to the next generation.
It is a fact that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
every year several of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
disappear. A group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the extinction of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
is not a crucial problem since communication will be more effective with fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the extinction of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
is not a serious problem, I do believe that the diversity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits for the individual and the society
as well
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is undeniable that out of hundreds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
that have existed, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
extinct every year. It
is believed
that the disappearance was due to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
and the
Possible incorrect capitalization. Some nouns that are derived from proper nouns can have both an initial capital letter and an initial lower case letter. If there is a close association with the proper noun, use "Westernisation".
westernisation
of the European and American, which have forced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to communicate in International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
such as English, German or French. Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have an opinion that the extinction of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
is not a serious threat to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
since most of them that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
out are minority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
which
are spoken
by several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
they would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a significant impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Besides
that, the usage of several international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
has made business interaction or diplomatic negotiation among nations or continents become easier.

On the other hand
, the uncountable number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
that have existed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the uniqueness of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
cultures. It is necessary to maintain the diversity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
since each of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
represents the identity of a community or a tribe.
Besides
that, although
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be spoken
by several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it has an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
function.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of the traditional myths
are written
or documented in the minority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
, and if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
out, then the culture would
also
be lost
.

In conclusion
, I
personally
disagree with the opinion that with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
that exist in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, life will be easier. I believe that the variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the richness of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
civilisations and
they should
be passed
to the
next
generation.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. v. 29

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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