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Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.23

Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. with this opinion? v. 23
Museums play an important role of local people in various area. I believe that the benefits of charging individuals for entry fees outweigh the drawbacks. One of the advantages is that local government will develop a funding for museums by collecting admission fees. They can improve the services of the museums with this funding. For example, local authorities may provide museum's staff for training more frequently. Also, they create more opportunities to local people. Furthermore, this funding can be used in expanding the content of the exhibition. This means that artists are more likely to contribute their artistic works to museums if they can receive a considerable return. Another advantage is that museums will have enough budget to upgrade its buildings and facilities. Upgrading facilities is very important to museums and visitors. For instance, most of the facilities are degrading every year if they are not being replaced appropriately, they may threaten public security and even people's life. Consequently, people will not keen to visit any museums. However, there are disadvantages of removing entrance fees for museums. One of the drawbacks is that museums will not have a stable source of incomes. Without any profits are made, they only depend on financial support from local government or the donation to run the institute. For example, many artistic works require expensive maintenance and repair. This means that the sufficient budget is crucial to the museums. Another drawback is that hiring more staff is not affordable for the museums. In addition, services cannot deliver to the public well. Therefore, visitors are unlikely to seek for assistance when they are in need. In conclusion, it seems to me that the advantages of charging admission fee for museums outweigh the drawbacks.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in various area. I believe that the benefits of charging individuals for entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
outweigh the drawbacks.

One of the advantages is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will develop a funding for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
by collecting admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the services of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
with this funding.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
authorities may provide museum's staff for training more
frequently
.
Also
, they create more opportunities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Furthermore
, this funding can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in expanding the content of the exhibition. This means that artists are more likely to contribute their artistic works to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
if they can receive a considerable return. Another advantage is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
budget to upgrade its buildings and facilities. Upgrading facilities is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and visitors.
For instance
, most of the facilities are degrading every year if they are not
being replaced
appropriately
, they may threaten public security and even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will not keen to visit any museums.

However
, there are disadvantages of removing entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
. One of the drawbacks is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
will not have a stable source of incomes. Without any profits
are made
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
depend on financial support from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
or the donation to run the institute.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
artistic works require expensive maintenance and repair. This means that the sufficient budget is crucial to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
. Another drawback is that hiring more staff is not affordable for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
.
In addition
, services cannot deliver to the public well.
Therefore
, visitors are unlikely to seek for assistance when they are in need.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that the advantages of charging admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
outweigh the drawbacks.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. with this opinion? v. 23

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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