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Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.20

Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. v. 20
Recently, we have experienced the mass extinction of languages each year. While it is believed that this phenomenon can facilitate a better life, which is why it is not of great importance, I advocate that despite values this trend brings to our life, the maintenance of languages also need to be paid attention to. There are some sound reasons why people can reap great benefits from the disappearance of some languages. The first reason is that it creates more job opportunities for citizens. This is because people will have more chances to apply to not only local businesses, but also international firms regardless of a command of certain languages. Other than that, if more countries across the globe share a common language, the development of oversea tourism industry can be accelerated. The reason is that a wide range of languages used over the world makes visitors find it difficult to gain thorough insight into customs of other nations and even cause prejudice, which acts as a deterrent to not only visiting but also revisiting. However, the extinction of languages can be considered as a culprit behind the deterioration of our culture for some compelling explanations. First of all, languages reflect civilization and traditional features. That is the reason why the older can use languages as a tool to pass on morals and cultural features they uphold to younger generations. Moreover, if too many languages vanish, the cultural diversity can be affected detrimentally. To explain, the language spoken in a community has a tendency to show identical features and historical values, which means that the variety of languages make great contribution to the diversity of culture. All in all, although the disappearance of certain languages contributes to the reduction of the unemployment rate and the growth in the number of tourists, the protection of languages also has to be taken into consideration due to the conservation of culture.
Recently, we have experienced the mass extinction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
each year. While it
is believed
that this phenomenon can facilitate a better life, which is why it is not of great importance, I advocate that despite values this trend brings to our life, the maintenance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
also
need to
be paid
attention to.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can reap great benefits from the disappearance of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
. The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that it creates more job opportunities for citizens. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will have more chances to apply to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
local businesses,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
international firms regardless of a command of certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
. Other than that, if more countries across the globe share a common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, the development of oversea tourism industry can
be accelerated
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
over the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
visitors find it difficult to gain thorough insight into customs of other nations and even cause prejudice, which acts as a deterrent to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
visiting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
revisiting.

However
, the extinction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
can
be considered
as a culprit behind the deterioration of our culture for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
compelling explanations.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
reflect civilization and traditional features.
That is
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why the older can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
as a tool to pass on morals and cultural features they uphold to younger generations.
Moreover
, if too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
vanish, the cultural diversity can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
detrimentally
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
spoken in a community has a tendency to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
identical features and historical values, which means that the variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
great contribution to the diversity of culture.

All in all, although the disappearance of certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
contributes to the reduction of the unemployment rate and the growth in the number of tourists, the protection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be taken
into consideration due to the conservation of culture.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. v. 20

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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