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Every year several language die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree whit this opinion. v.1

Every year several language die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. whit this opinion. v. 1
In recent decades, the question of whether vaccination for children should mandatory or not has sparked a controversy among the public. Although parents have the right to raise their offspring in their own way, I believe the fact that all children are vaccinated bestows a wide range of benefits to the well being of the public. On the one hand, there are both medical and non-medical reasons why the refusal of vaccination has been gradually rising in some countries. The primary reason for this trend can be attributed to religious belief which claims that children should grow up naturally without any medical intervention. In fact, by maintaining healthy lifestyles, toddlers can be less prone to infectious diseases. Additionally, due to various unknown side effects of these vaccines, parents are likely to choose this method as a safer way to protect their babies. According to recent research in rural area, low-quality vaccines led to the development of other issues like allergy or rash in kids, which make vaccination becomes a threat to infants’ wellbeing. On the other hand, there are a myriads of compelling reasons why parents should immunize their children. Firstly, if vaccine is tested efficiently and effectively, it will facilitate the immune systems of infants. For example, with the assistance of vaccines, an increasing number of diseases such as yellow fever and strep throat have been eradicated. Secondly, having the majority of the population vaccinated will create heard immunity, thus, put children who are allergic to vaccines in secure condition. Thereby, obligatory vaccination is instrumental in ensuring public health. In conclusion, although this enforcement is not without disadvantages, it will bring massive health benefits to the public. I believe that it is morally for parents to be legally required to vaccinate their children.
In recent decades,
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
vaccination for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should mandatory or not has sparked a controversy among the public. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have the right to raise their offspring in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way, I believe the fact that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are vaccinated
bestows a wide range of benefits to the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
of the public.

On the one hand, there are both medical and non-medical reasons why the refusal of vaccination has been
gradually
rising in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries. The primary reason for this trend can
be attributed
to religious belief which claims that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should grow up
naturally
without any medical intervention. In fact, by maintaining healthy lifestyles, toddlers can be less prone to infectious diseases.
Additionally
, due to various unknown side effects of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccines
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are likely to choose this method as a safer way to protect their babies. According to recent research in rural area, low-quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccines
led to the development of other issues like allergy or rash in kids, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
vaccination becomes a threat to infants’
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
.

On the other hand
, there are
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a myriad" or simply "myriads"?
a myriads
of compelling reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should immunize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Firstly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccine
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
efficiently
and
effectively
, it will facilitate the immune systems of infants.
For example
, with the assistance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccines
, an increasing number of diseases such as yellow fever and strep throat have
been eradicated
.
Secondly
, having the majority of the population vaccinated will create heard immunity,
thus
, put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are allergic to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccines
in secure condition. Thereby, obligatory vaccination is instrumental in ensuring public health.

In conclusion
, although this enforcement is not without disadvantages, it will bring massive health benefits to the public. I believe that it is
morally
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to be
legally
required to vaccinate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Every year several language die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. whit this opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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