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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

essaydiscussionPublic HealthSports Facilities
Writing Structure
There is opinion that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of the number of sport facilities. But there is another opinion that it will be meaningless. Both views have their own fair point. Many people don't go to sport facilities because of their financial situation or because of fear of being judged. By being accessible, the sport will be more popularized between people of all classes of society. It will get more recognition, and as a result more normalized. For example, we can the results that the politics of the Soviet Union had. The sport facilities were made at every school, and were open to all students. As a result, the healthy lifestyle was thought to children from a very young age. Then, the already grown generation passed down their knowledge and principles to the next one. Therefore, by opening new sport clubs, the government had a number of healthy generations. On the other hand, many of people don't go to sport facilities because of lack of time and energy. For example, the average office worker, who has 9-5 job, and then do some other work around home, will not see the benefit in newly opened sport facility. And as we see in statistics, more that the half of the population of earth are in the same situation. In conclusion, I think that by expanding the sport facilities, the government will only have a very little success in making their population healthy, and should seek the other metod.
Introduction
Unclassified Sentences

Unclassified Sentences

Body Paragraph 1
Topic Sentence

Supporting Sentence

Supporting Sentence

Supporting Sentence

Body Paragraph 2
Topic Sentence

Supporting Sentence

Supporting Sentence

Conclusion
Restatement of Thesis

Overall Band Score: 5.5
Task Achievement
5.5
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views and providing a personal opinion. However, the arguments are not fully developed, and there is a lack of supporting evidence.
Lexical Resource
5
The vocabulary used is somewhat limited and repetitive. There are instances of awkward phrasing and incorrect word forms, which detract from the overall quality of the writing.
Coherence & Cohesion
5.5
The essay presents a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the ideas are not always logically sequenced, and some transitions between points are weak, leading to a lack of clarity in the argument.
Grammatical Range
5
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including issues with subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. There is a lack of complex sentence structures, which limits the grammatical range.

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