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Write about the following topic: Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words. v.1

: Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 1
The upbringing of children must be done in the right way as they are more likely to adopt that habit and carry it forward in their lives. Children must be taught to have a sense of competition as well as to co-operate with others. The understanding of both the senses must be built clearly amongst children in order to help them utilize the sense better when needed. Don’t you think people should consider both of them, simultaneously? A sense of competition shall be built and encouraged in children as it makes them push their limits and win the situation. It also makes them a quick learner which is beneficial for them. A child, when taught with competitive skills, tends to utilize his brains faster and act responsively in different situations. In this sense, the child remains focused on what to achieve and what are the ways that will get him/her through that situation. Therefore, it should be encouraged in a way that it benefits the child rather make him/her feel envious of other children’s success. However, children should also be taught with co-operative skills as it builds their sense of respect, caring and sharing. It is said that children learn from their elders, so they must respect others and set examples by themselves for their kids. Children who possess a co-operative sense doesn’t mean that they can’t be competitive or they are not competitive, but a combination of both would apparently make them a better human. To conclude, I would say that parents should focus on building both the sets of senses in their children as it makes them learn and respect others at the same time. They should not let them have a negative competitive mindset which can be harmful to them in adulthood, nor they should possess only co-operative sense as it will make them less productive.
The upbringing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be done
in the right way as they are more likely to adopt that habit and carry it forward in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taught
to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of competition
as well
as to co-operate with others. The understanding of both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be built
clearly
amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them utilize the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
better when needed. Don’t you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should consider both of them,
simultaneously
?

A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of competition shall
be built
and encouraged in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them push their limits and win the situation. It
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them a quick learner which is beneficial for them. A child, when taught with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, tends to utilize his brains faster and act
responsively
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations. In this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
, the child remains focused on what to achieve and what are the ways that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
him/her through that situation.
Therefore
, it should
be encouraged
in a way that it benefits the child
rather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
him/her feel envious of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
success.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
also
be taught
with co-operative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as it builds their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of respect, caring and sharing. It
is said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn from their elders,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
respect others and set examples by themselves for their kids.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
who possess a co-operative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
doesn’t mean that they can’t be
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
competitive or
they are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a combination of both would
apparently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them a better human.

To conclude
, I would say that parents should focus on building both the sets of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senses
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them learn and respect others at the same time. They should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
mindset which can be harmful to them in adulthood, nor they should possess
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
co-operative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
as it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them less productive.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay : Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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