Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

the pie chart show the electricity generated in Germany and france from all sources and renewables in the year 2009 summarize the information by selecting and reporting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.1

the pie chart show the electricity generated in Germany and france from all sources and renewables in the year 2009
Arguments are still ongoing about the role of sports in the future of a child. While it is believed by some that team sport is required in order for a child to attain success in their chosen field, others believe that sports such as football have nothing to do with a child's life career. In my opinion, I agree with the former assertion for a number of reasons. On the one hand, I believe that a child engaging in sport is necessary because it helps in the development of life skills. When a young one plays a game such as a basketball or a football with his classmates, not only will the child learn how to tolerate other people, the child will also learn: communication skills, leadership skills and ability to interact well with others. These skills are highly essential for a child's career in the future as this puts him ahead of his counterparts and sets him on the right path to succeeding in his chosen field. For instance, according to the recent report published by The National Mirror, children that participate in sports have a higher chance of excelling in their work than others. This places more emphasis on how important team sports is to a child's career. On the other hand, there is no link between a child's career and team sports instead, children that engage in sports turn out being school dropouts. There is a high chance for a child to concentrate solely on these games and skip classes, consequently, affecting the child's grades. This also halts the chances of getting a good job in the future. Furthermore, sports could be so competitive and if a child does not excel well as his other counterparts, this could affect the child academically and even psychologically. For example, Timmy dropped out of school at the age of 18 to face a career as a footballer, not only did he fail woefully, he also wasted his youthful years. This would have been avoided if he was properly counselled about the importance of focusing on his studies than on sport. In conclusion, although games such as football help to build skills important for a child to succeed in the future, it could also result in a high rate of school dropouts. In my opinion, I believe that games played in the team should be encouraged as it places a child at a higher advantage than his mates.
Arguments are
still
ongoing about the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. While it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is required
in order for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to attain success in their chosen field, others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as football have nothing to do with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child's
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former assertion for a number of reasons.

On the one hand, I believe that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
engaging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is necessary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in the development of life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. When a young one plays a game such as a basketball or a football with his classmates, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
learn how to tolerate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
will
also
learn: communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, leadership
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and ability to interact well with others. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are
highly
essential for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
as this puts him ahead of his counterparts and sets him on the right path to succeeding in his chosen field.
For instance
, according to the recent report published by The National Mirror, children that participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have a higher chance of excelling in their work than others. This places more emphasis on how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child's
career.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there is no link between a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
instead
, children that engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
turn out being school dropouts. There is a high chance for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to concentrate
solely
on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and skip classes,
consequently
, affecting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child's
grades. This
also
halts the chances of getting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
competitive and if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
does not excel well as his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
counterparts, this could affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
academically
and even
psychologically
.
For example
, Timmy dropped out of school at the age of 18 to face a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
as a footballer, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
did he fail
woefully
, he
also
wasted his youthful years. This would have
been avoided
if he was
properly
counselled about the importance of focusing on his studies than on sport.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as football
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to succeed in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, it could
also
result in a high rate of school dropouts. In my opinion, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
played in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
should
be encouraged
as it places a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
at a higher advantage than his mates.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay the pie chart show the electricity generated in Germany and france from all sources and renewables in the year 2009

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
407 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts