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The internet has transformed the way information is shared and consumed, but it has also created problems that did not exist before. ​What are the most serious problems associated with the internet and what solutions can you suggest? v.21

The internet has transformed the way information is shared and consumed, but it has also created problems that did not exist before. ​What are the most serious problems associated with the internet and what solutions can you suggest? v. 21
Internet is vital tool in everyday life, allowing quick access to any kind of information, but it also posseses problems when it is used excessively. Although internet overuse problem seems to not have any effective solutions, there are still possible ways out of this problem. First of all, excessive use of the internet implies use of the digital gadgets, like computers and phones. As a result, people worsen their eyesight deu to fact that during the use of gadgets people tend to link less, which dries eye surface. Moreover, such use of the internet forces people to be physically less active and leads to hypodynamy, which in turn affects backbone and back posture. A good idea would be to make people aware of the possible threats of excessive internet use, as well as to encourage people to exercise more. This will lead to reduction of health problems within society. Secondly, people can communicate whenever and wherever they are, which affects the way people look at internet conversations due to the instant access. As a result, people do not value the internet communications, but at the same time prefer them to real ones in some cases. If people could understand that internet forces people to neglect real-life conversations and sometimes deteriorate social skills, then social problems caused by internet will be reduced. To conclude, I think that internet use causes various problems. However, those problems can be in erased by spread awareness of those problems.
Internet is vital tool in everyday life, allowing quick access to any kind of information,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
Possible spelling mistake found.
posseses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
when it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
excessively
. Although internet overuse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
seems to not have any effective solutions, there are
still
possible ways out of this problem.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet implies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the digital gadgets, like computers and phones.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
worsen their eyesight
Possible spelling mistake found.
deu
to fact that during the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of gadgets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to link less, which dries eye surface.
Moreover
, such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet forces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be
physically
less active and leads to
Possible spelling mistake found.
hypodynamy
, which in turn affects backbone and back posture. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
would be to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aware of the possible threats of excessive internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
,
as well
as to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to exercise more. This will lead to reduction of health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
within society.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can communicate whenever and wherever they are, which affects the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
look at internet conversations due to the instant access.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not value the internet communications,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time prefer them to real ones in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could understand that internet forces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to neglect real-life conversations and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
deteriorate social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, then social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
caused by internet will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
causes various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
However
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
can be in erased by spread awareness of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay The internet has transformed the way information is shared and consumed, but it has also created problems that did not exist before. ​What are the most serious problems associated with the internet and what solutions can you suggest? v. 21

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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