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Some people think that in order to solve traffic and transportation problems, people should be encouraged to live in cities rather than in suburbs or in the country side. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.10

Some people think that in order to solve traffic and transportation problems, people should be encouraged to live in cities rather than in suburbs or in the country side. v. 10
It is thought that by staying people in metropolitan areas than villages could solve the problems of transportation. I strongly disagree with this point of view that traffic problems can be solved by gathering people in one area. Firstly, vacating the rural areas would be difficult for those people who has lived there since childhood. It is very tough to leave the home where you have lived for many years. Leaving that place just to solve the traffic problems would be an injustice to the inhabitants of suburbs. For instance, by moving the native peoples of suburbs will make them uncomfortable to absorb the urban community. Henceforth there shall be another way that could be solved for transportation problems. Secondly, villagers are the true reflection of any nations culture and values. Almost all of the cultural aspects are still preserved in these areas. Wiping the village life might create big problems for next the generations that may not be able to understand the real theme of their own culture which might lead them to lose their original identity. For example, people who had gathered in one place by leaving their original houses of the village has put them in the dilemma of uncomfortable life. To keep on the cultural values forever, there should be more benefits for rural communities. In conclusion, People who are living in the suburbs are very simple, original and peaceful that makes them difficult to live in a noisy place with diplomatic life. Also, they are symbolic of any nation's culture and its values.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that by staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in metropolitan areas than villages could solve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of transportation. I
strongly
disagree with this point of view that traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
can
be solved
by gathering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in one area.

Firstly
, vacating the rural areas would be difficult for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "have", "haven"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
there since childhood. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tough to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the home where you have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years. Leaving that place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to solve the traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
would be an injustice to the inhabitants of suburbs.
For instance
, by moving the native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
of suburbs will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them uncomfortable to absorb the urban community.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Henceforth
there shall be another way that could
be solved
for transportation problems.

Secondly
, villagers are the true reflection of any nations culture and values. Almost
Consider using "all the".
all of the
cultural aspects are
still
preserved in these areas. Wiping the village life might create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
for
next
the generations that may not be able to understand the real theme of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture which might lead them to lose their original identity.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who had gathered in one place by leaving their original
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
of the village has put them in the dilemma of uncomfortable life. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on the cultural values forever, there should be more benefits for rural communities.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who are living in the suburbs are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
simple, original and peaceful that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a noisy place with diplomatic life.
Also
, they are symbolic of any nation's culture and its values.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay Some people think that in order to solve traffic and transportation problems, people should be encouraged to live in cities rather than in suburbs or in the country side. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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