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Some people think that a sense of competition should be encouraged in children. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that a sense of competition should be encouraged in children. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 1
Nowadays, it has become a debatable topic in the society that children should be taught to be competitive or cooperative. However, while some think that they should be cooperative which will enable them good citizen in the future, I agree with those who feel that they should be competitive. On the one hand, it could be argued that cooperating is a useful feature which allows children to have the skills of a good human being in the future. It is said that an age of child is very sensitive which allows us to mould them with the quality of co-operation. This is because these skills will teach them to complete any given task with the support of each member of a group. Moreover, supporters of teaching co-operation said that such skills will allow them to be a good leader in the future. For instance, a teacher has given play to the team of five members to act, so that the children could learn the feeling of co-operation among them and acquire the skill of leadership. On the other hand, I would argue that children should be taught the skills competition. I believe that any child is taught to be competitive right from the beginning, and these will foster them to be always one step ahead with their competitors. For instance, most children study very hard to have the highest marks in the class, so that they will get a good college in the future; also, this will enable them to be competitive for getting a good job in the long run. Besides this, in my opinion, we should not inculcate a lot the feeling of competition among children as they could choose the path of cheating if it is not achieved. In conclusion, although it is undeniable that cooperation allows children to possess the skills of becoming a great leader in the future, competition always keep them one step ahead than their competitors. Therefore, on balance, I believe that pupils should be taught the feeling of competition rather than co-operation to be good adult in the future.
Nowadays, it has become a debatable topic in the society that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be taught
to be competitive or cooperative.
However
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they should be cooperative which will enable them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
citizen in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who feel that they should be competitive.

On the one hand, it could
be argued
that cooperating is a useful feature which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
human being in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. It
is said
that an age of child is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
sensitive which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allows
us to
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
them with the quality of co-operation. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
will teach them to complete any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
task with the support of each member of a group.
Moreover
, supporters of teaching co-operation said that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allow
them to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
leader in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
For instance
, a teacher has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
play to the team of five members to act,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could learn the feeling of co-operation among them and acquire the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
of leadership.

On the other hand
, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be taught
the
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "skills'" or "skill's"?
skills
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
. I believe that any child
is taught
to be competitive right from the beginning, and these will foster them to be always one step ahead with their competitors.
For instance
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to have the highest marks in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
college in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
;
also
, this will enable them to be competitive for getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
job in the long run.
Besides
this, in my opinion, we should not inculcate a lot the feeling of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as they could choose the path of cheating if it is not achieved.

In conclusion
, although it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to possess the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of becoming a great leader in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them one step
Use "(ahead)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
ahead
than their competitors.
Therefore
, on balance, I believe that pupils should
be taught
the feeling of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
rather
than co-operation to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
adult in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition should be encouraged in children. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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