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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.7

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 7
Few people reckon that a competition among the children should be inspired. Some agree that children who are tutored to co-operate rather than compete morph to more useful adults. A sense of competition clearly provokes children to do more effort, thus it hones their skills and intellect. However, competition like this puts pressure on this young people and they could only think about winning. Having that, youngsters may find alternative ways just to win, like cheating. We had a random interview among teachers before regarding this matter. They clearly defined us that there should be a limit in every competition that we put in every child's mind. "Winning is not everything, it is all about how they play their game", the teacher said. Co-operating, on the other hand, gives a neat picture of teamwork among the children. They share their ideas and put it all together until they finish their given task. Since there are no pressures attached, they tend to become lax and may not give their best contribution to the team. According to the teacher that was interviewed, "That's why we (teachers) are here as middlemen and guides. We passively extract the good nectar among these beautiful flowers. " In conclusion, a sense of competition can definitely bring the best out of a child. I believe that competitive children become more useful adults than those who co-operate. Most children who top in class are irrevocably competitive. With proper guidance, they can achieve positive results through positive ways and attain their dreams. These children will soon be an enormous contribution and be useful elements in our society in the near future.
Few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
reckon that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be inspired
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are tutored
to co-operate
rather
than compete morph to more useful adults.

A sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
clearly
provokes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do more effort,
thus
it hones their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and intellect.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
like this puts pressure on this young
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about winning. Having that, youngsters may find alternative ways
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to win, like cheating. We had a random interview among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
regarding this matter. They
clearly
defined us that there should be a limit in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
that we put in every child's mind.
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Winning is not everything, it is all about how they play their game
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
said.

Co-operating,
on the other hand
, gives a neat picture of teamwork among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They share their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and put it all together until they finish their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
task. Since there are no pressures attached, they tend to become lax and may not give their best contribution to the team. According to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
that
was interviewed
,
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
That's why we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
(teachers)
are here as middlemen and guides. We
passively
extract the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
nectar among these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
flowers.
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"


In conclusion
, a sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
can definitely bring the best out of a child. I believe that competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become more useful adults than those who co-operate. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who top in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
are
irrevocably
competitive. With proper guidance, they can achieve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
results through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
ways and attain their dreams. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
be an enormous contribution and be useful elements in our society in the near future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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