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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.5

There is no doubt these days that the children behaviour is become more of a concern to parents and society and the question is, is the sense of competition is useful for children or is the cooperate is more useful for their adulthood? In this essay I am going to discuss both views and draw my own conclusion. Firstly, some people believe that the competition plays an important role in pupils behaviours. And people who claim that use the power of motivation that comes from competition as an important reason to do it. They say when children learn how to fight to get something as a child they will get experience facing the live difficulties when they become adult. For example when children participate in math competition the will become more aware to concentrate in their study to win the race. Secondly, other people claim that the competition it may harm the children behaviours with time. They do believe when children compete all the time that will increase the chance of children to become selfish. Then that will destroy they ability to cooperative with other people in adult age. To illustrate when pupils play balloon games and try to cut their colleague balloons this will harm their psychology and will learn the rule of game as rule of life. To sum up, In my opinion the competition could be harmful to children life unless we control and minimise the type of these competition and explain the aim of competition for children before they start it.
There is no doubt these days that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Possible spelling mistake. ‘behaviour’ is British English.
behaviour
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more of a concern to parents and society and the question is, is the sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
useful
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
or is
After ‘the’, do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of ‘cooperate’ is correct. If ‘cooperate’ is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the cooperate
is more useful for their adulthood? In this
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essay


I am going to discuss both views and draw my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
conclusion.

Firstly
,
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some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in pupils

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
behaviours
. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who claim that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the power of motivation that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
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from


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
competition
as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason to do it. They say when
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children
learn how
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to


fight to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
something as a child they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
experience facing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
difficulties

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
when
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
adult.
For example
when
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children
participate in math
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
competition


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
the
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more aware to concentrate in their study to win the race.

Secondly
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
it may harm the children

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
behaviours
with time. They do believe when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
compete all the time that
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
will


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
increase
the chance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
selfish. Then that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
they
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
ability


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
to
cooperative with other
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people
in adult age. To illustrate when pupils play
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
balloon


games and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
their colleague balloons this will harm their psychology and will

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learn
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
of game as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
of life.

To sum up, In my opinion the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
could be harmful to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
life unless we

control and
Possible spelling mistake. ‘minimise’ is British English.
minimise
the type of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the aim of

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
competition
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
it.
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IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
18 paragraphs
255 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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