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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v.42

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 42
There are various views of people on upbringing their children. Talking about competition, some say that it must be inculcated in children while some argue cooperation plays a better role. In this essay, both these contrasting views will be discussed and a conclusion will be made. Those who believe that competition is necessary to present the following arguments. Firstly, competition motivates the children and encourages them to do better rewarding the one who stands at the top. Secondly, healthy competition maintains excitement and zeal in learning. Otherwise, children may find the session too boring. Thirdly, these are places where competition is of utmost necessity. For example, in sports, it is always necessary to come to a conclusion of who wins and who loses. According to the opinions given by this group of people, positive competition among children is more beneficial. On the other hand, some highlight the negative impacts that competition might bring and so choose to inculcate cooperation in their kids. According to them, when kids compete, they might use alternative ways for winning like cheating. Sometimes, they might be highly de-motivated if they are constantly losing despite persistent efforts. In contrast, by working or learning cooperatively in groups, children learn attributes as respect, exchange of help, tolerance etc. They also opine that the lessons learned in childhood lasts for the entire life and the children who always compete would do so for the rest of their lives and this would include both the positive and negative competitions. Thus, in accordance with my view, both cooperation and competition are essential for children in their own place. The guardians have to choose one appropriately according to the situation and context in order to ensure their kids learn correct moral values and ethics.
There are various views of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on upbringing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Talking about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
say that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be inculcated
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue cooperation plays a better role. In this essay, both these contrasting views will
be discussed
and a conclusion will
be made
.

Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is necessary to present the following arguments.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
motivates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and encourages them to do better rewarding the one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
stands at the top.
Secondly
, healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
maintains excitement and zeal in learning.
Otherwise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may find the session too boring.
Thirdly
, these are places where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is of utmost necessity.
For example
, in sports, it is always necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to a conclusion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
wins and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
loses. According to the opinions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by this group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is more beneficial.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
highlight the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
might bring and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
choose to inculcate cooperation in their kids. According to them, when kids compete, they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
alternative ways for winning like cheating.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, they might be
highly
Possible spelling mistake found.
de-motivated
if they are
constantly
losing despite persistent efforts.
In contrast
, by working or learning
cooperatively
in groups,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn attributes as respect, exchange of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, tolerance etc. They
also
opine that the lessons learned in childhood lasts for the entire life and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
always compete would do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
for the rest of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and this would include both the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
competitions.

Thus
, in accordance with my view, both cooperation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
are essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
place. The guardians
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
choose one
appropriately
according to the situation and context in order to ensure their kids learn correct moral values and ethics.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 42

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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