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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.37

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. 37
Some would argue that it is better to instill competiveness among children, while others say that it is more useful for children to co-operate with one another. While being competitive helps young people to improve themselves, I believe that moral traits acquired by co-operating with one another is far better. On the one hand, it is in human nature to try to be better than others, and being competitive helps people to improve their abilities. The world is a competitive place, whether it is sports, education or career, and the sooner the children learn to cope with such pressures of life the better they would fare in their future. For example, if a child has no motivation to improve himself, he would not bother to do score high in his exams. However, I believe that being competitive is not overly important, and sometimes it makes it difficult for children to work as a team when they grow up. On the other hand, it would be better for children to co-operate with each other because they acquire moral traits, like empathy and teamwork, which could only be learnt by working together. For instance, group studies are a great way for children to share information and motivate each other during exams. As a result, they would all help each other and perform well. I believe that this is a far better option because these are important characteristics to be a good human being. In conclusion, while competitiveness helps children improve themselves and perform better, the same results could be achieved if children worked with each other. Moreover, they would acquire additional qualities like empathy, kindness and teamwork which help make them better.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would argue that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to instill
Possible spelling mistake found.
competiveness
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, while others say that it is more useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to co-operate with one another. While being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
themselves, I believe that moral traits acquired by co-operating with one another is far better.

On the one hand, it is in human nature to try to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than others, and being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their abilities. The world is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
place, whether it is sports, education or career, and the sooner the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn to cope with such pressures of life the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
they would fare in their future.
For example
, if a child has no motivation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
himself, he would not bother to do score high in his exams.
However
, I believe that being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
is not
overly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to work as a team when they grow up.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to co-operate with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they acquire moral traits, like empathy and teamwork, which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
by working together.
For instance
, group studies are a great way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to share information and motivate each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
during exams.
As a result
, they would all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and perform well. I believe that this is a far
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
option
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
characteristics to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
human being.

In conclusion
, while competitiveness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
themselves and perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
, the same results could
be achieved
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
worked with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Moreover
, they would acquire additional qualities like empathy, kindness and teamwork which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. 37

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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