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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words. v.36

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 36
While some opine that a sense of competitions between the children is vital and should be promoted, I would argue that working in co-operation is more beneficial for them. On the one hand, people who promote competitions might argue that these activities can encourage children to be better than others. Consequently, the probability of excelling in any field would dramatically increase. A sense of competition can help a child in streamlining his goals and ultimately achieving them. For instance, in athletics if a child wants to grow, he has to compete with two essential things; firstly, his own performance which can help him improve every day, and secondly, the best athlete of his school or class because it can help him set a target for himself as well as a timeline to achieve it. If there is no competition, a child might easily lose track and delay success. On the other hand, I believe that competitions not only can easily create distress conditions among the children, but can also increase pressure to grow faster rather than according to his pace. Conversely, working together can help the children to grow together, and as a result, build stronger friendship bonds. This is because co-operative work can help children understand other children by developing the feeling compassion for them and help each other to overcome difficult situations. For example, rather than competing, if two juveniles can provide a helping hand for the subject in which the other person is weak, both pupils can grow together and also create a strong relationship. In conclusion, though some people give a lot of emphasis to the role of competitions in a child's life as it helps in target setting, I firmly believe that children should work together in harmony as it can benefit both the parties and generate better relations among the two.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opine that a sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is vital and should
be promoted
, I would argue that working in co-operation is more beneficial for them.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
might argue that these activities can encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be better than others.
Consequently
, the probability of excelling in any field would
dramatically
increase. A sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
a child in streamlining his goals and
ultimately
achieving them.
For instance
, in athletics if a child wants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grow
, he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
compete with two essential things;
firstly
, his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
performance which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
him
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
every day, and
secondly
, the best athlete of his school or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
him set a target for himself
as well
as a timeline to achieve it. If there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
, a child might
easily
lose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
and delay success.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can
easily
create distress conditions among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can
also
increase pressure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grow
faster
rather
than according to his pace.
Conversely
, working together can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grow
together, and
as a result
, build stronger friendship bonds. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
co-operative work can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by developing the feeling compassion for them and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
to overcome difficult situations.
For example
,
rather
than competing, if two juveniles can provide a helping hand for the subject in which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
person is weak, both pupils can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grow
together and
also
create a strong relationship.

In conclusion
, though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
emphasis to the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
in a child's life as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in target setting, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should work together in harmony as it can benefit both the parties and generate better relations among the two.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 36

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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