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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become useful adults. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples v.34

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become useful adults. 34
Infantile age is very significant for children. Many people believe that offsprings need to be motivated to participate in vying. Others, however, claim that infants would rather be inspired in conducive matter rather than competition. The essay will argue both side and put forward evidences as to why children had better be pursued in the contest. Those who are in favour of struggle since childhood indicate several points. Firstly, if children are given the incentive of competition which will lead them to be insurmountable in later, they will be astute throughout the life. They will have a vanguard role to reconstruct their society. Secondly, they will be invincible and will accept some bold steps to be effectual. For instance, statistics demonstrated that, most Americans, prior to be mature, became successful because, they initiated their year as a competitive life in addition most scientists were competitive in their first decade of life. Consequently, they could invent some sophisticated discoveries for their motherland. On the other hand, a number of individuals' views are that immature boys should encourage in co-operation. Their ideas imply that if they are forced to take part in a contest at the beginning their study, they will be timid and nonchalant. Because they will believe that, the world is very challenging. Moreover, if they involve in some collaborative tasks, they will have the morale to succeed in career by assisting and be helped by others. For example, to emulate of Americans emerging teens, South Africans tender aged became deviant as well as brain paralysis because of exorbitant pressure. To conclude, by nurturing children appropriately, infants can stand the apex point. In my opinion, offsprings should be incited to insert some competitive jobs.
Infantile age is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
significant for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
need to
be motivated
to participate in vying. Others,
however
, claim that infants would
rather
be inspired
in conducive matter
rather
than competition. The essay will argue both side and put forward evidences as to why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
had better
be pursued
in the contest.

Those who are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of struggle since childhood indicate several points.
Firstly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the incentive of competition which will lead them to be insurmountable in later, they will be astute throughout the life. They will have a vanguard role to reconstruct their society.
Secondly
, they will be invincible and will accept
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
bold steps to be effectual.
For instance
, statistics demonstrated that, most Americans, prior to be mature, became successful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they initiated their year as a competitive life
in addition
most scientists were competitive in their
first
decade of life.
Consequently
, they could invent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sophisticated discoveries for their motherland.

On the other hand
, a number of individuals' views are that immature boys should encourage in co-operation. Their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
imply that if they
are forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in a contest at the beginning their study, they will be timid and nonchalant.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they will believe that, the world is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
challenging.
Moreover
, if they involve in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
collaborative tasks, they will have the morale to succeed in career by assisting and be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
by others.
For example
, to emulate of Americans emerging teens, South Africans tender aged became deviant
as well
as brain paralysis
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of exorbitant pressure.

To conclude
, by nurturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
appropriately
, infants can stand the apex point. In my opinion,
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
should
be incited
to insert
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
competitive jobs.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become useful adults. 34

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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