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: Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your opinion v.32

: Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. 32
Some opine challenging class environment should be emphasized among youngsters. Others think group discussion will prepare them as a better person when they pass adolescence. Although competitive environment is necessary to achieve success in life, I personally believe that learning in a group will teach how be a team player and it will help to develop a higher level of thinking. On the one hand, some people believe their offsprings should always compete to achieve success in life. At the very young age, they try to hide their knowledge from other rivals because they have been taught that sharing valuable information with others may bring second position for them. This is a very essential point of learning how to become successful over their competitors. For example, in the contemporary education system the necessity of examinations is to identify who is the best and it creates a competition among students to achieve the first position. However, the study has shown that too much pressure at the very young age creates problem among pupils who suffers from a variety of diseases in early childhood such as anxiety and stress. On the other hand, there are some who think the co-operative education system builds any student a better person in life. Study with a team is always fun and it helps most students to understand the topic clearly. It is very common in students not to ask questions in the classroom, but they can discuss in a study session and gather the knowledge. For example, in medical science it is mandatory to have a group study session because it brings them how to be a team player when they will be working in a hospital. Moreover, persons who share knowledge with the fellow classmates become famous and it will help them to build friendship and may become a public speaker in the future. In conclusion, though early childhood competition is necessary for success, it is the cooperative education system helps in the professional career by achieving teamwork capabilities and influencing others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
opine challenging
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
environment should
be emphasized
among youngsters. Others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
group discussion will prepare them as a better person when they pass adolescence. Although competitive environment is necessary to achieve success in life, I
personally
believe that learning in a group will teach how be a team player and it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to develop a higher level of thinking.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
should always compete to achieve success in life. At the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age, they try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
their knowledge from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
rivals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
been taught
that sharing valuable information with others may bring second position for them. This is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential point of learning how to become successful over their competitors.
For example
, in the contemporary education system the necessity of examinations is to identify
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is the best and it creates a competition among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to achieve the
first
position.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
has shown that too much pressure at the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age creates problem among pupils
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Did you mean "suffer"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'pupils' should be used.
suffers
from a variety of diseases in early childhood such as anxiety and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the co-operative education system builds any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
a better person in life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Study
with a team is always fun and it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to understand the topic
clearly
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
not to ask questions in the classroom,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can discuss in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
session and gather the knowledge.
For example
, in medical science it is mandatory to have a group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
session
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it brings them how to be a team player when they will be working in a hospital.
Moreover
, persons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
share knowledge with the
Consider using "classmates".
fellow classmates
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to build friendship and may become a public speaker in the future.

In conclusion
, though early childhood competition is necessary for success, it is the cooperative education system
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in the professional career by achieving teamwork capabilities and influencing others.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay : Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. 32

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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