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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion v.31

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. 31
It is a well-established fact that there are various ways of upbringing the children. Some people say children should be raised up with a competitive spirit while the others argue that the fondness of group-working can help them grow up to be fully functioning adults, whom will be able to greatly contribute to the society. In my opinion, these two views are not contradictory and both are required traits of a child. On one hand, a kid who loves to compete can be self-motivated to put a tremendous amount of effort for the purpose of achieving the highest prize and praises from parents, friends, teachers, etc. , thus hones personal skills and intellect. Furthermore, even when they have failed clearly, some of these kids who are strong-willed will just look for any other means that ensure they will not repeat previous mistakes and never fail again. Those aforementioned characters are undeniably important in a highly competitive world which is full of cutthroat businesses and may grant them a successful career and an affluent life. But the passion for competition must also come with a sense of fairness and self-control. Without these characters, these youngsters, in order to defeat other competitors, regardless of the cost, may resort to immoral methods such as cheating or pulling others down. In short, parents better encourage positive competition among children and teach them to where to draw the line. On the other hand, because human always lives as groups, not as unrelated individuals, collaboration has been always much more beneficial than being a lone wolf in most situations. If a child is taught to be a team player at early ages, when grow up, he or she can be quite efficient at team work and learn how to respect others' opinions. Additionally, it is also the key for them to develop crucial interpersonal skills which play an indispensable role in their study and prospective's job. For example, a number of large enterprises nowadays ask for candidates with the ability of actively collaborating with colleagues and the superiors. Yet a little ambition and eagerness for competition could be useful for these team players by driving themselves to become a notable member of a team and never be made redundant. My conclusion is that both cooperation and competition are essential parts for children in their own place. The parents ought to foster those characters and other essential ones as well in their children to make sure that they can contribute to the society when reach the majority.
It is a well-established fact that there are various ways of upbringing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be raised
up with a competitive spirit while the others argue that the fondness of group-working can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them grow up to be
fully
functioning adults, whom will be able to
greatly
contribute to the society. In my opinion, these two views are not contradictory and both
are required
traits of a child.

On one hand, a kid who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
to compete can be self-motivated to put a tremendous amount of effort for the purpose of achieving the highest prize and praises from parents, friends, teachers, etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
thus
hones personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and intellect.
Furthermore
, even when they have failed
clearly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these kids who are strong-willed will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
look for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
means that ensure they will not repeat previous mistakes and never fail again. Those aforementioned characters are
undeniably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in a
highly
competitive world which is full of cutthroat businesses and may grant them a successful career and an affluent life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the passion for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with a sense of fairness and self-control. Without these characters, these youngsters, in order to defeat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
competitors, regardless of the cost, may resort to immoral methods such as cheating or pulling others down. In short, parents better encourage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and teach them to where to draw the line.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
human always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
as groups, not as unrelated individuals, collaboration has been always much more beneficial than being a lone wolf in most situations. If a child
is taught
to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
player at early ages, when grow up, he or she can be quite efficient at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
work and learn how to respect others' opinions.
Additionally
, it is
also
the key for them to develop crucial interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which play an indispensable role in their study and prospective's job.
For example
, a number of large enterprises nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
candidates with the ability of
actively
collaborating with colleagues and the superiors.
Yet
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
ambition and eagerness for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
could be useful for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
players by driving themselves to become a notable member of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
and never
be made
redundant.

My conclusion is that both cooperation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
are essential parts for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
place. The parents ought to foster those characters and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
essential ones
as well
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that they can contribute to the society when reach the majority.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. 31

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
420 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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