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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words v.30

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 30
It has been argued by people that competition is needed to stimulate the children. Others think that being an adult, co-operation is required more than a contest. I opine that chasing is important because it develops children’s ability. However, co-operation can help a child to do difficult achievements in adults. In this essay, I will delve both views with appropriate some templates from my skills. To commence, to develop cognitive skills, a chase is important to all children. It helps to find out one’s skill in any particular area. Competition helps them to find out weak areas. As a result, they can able to find out his or her right places with the appropriate abilities. A person makes perfect when he or she able to find out his potential areas. For example, the financial solid country has already started various competitions in school in sports. As a consequence, they have won more medals in the Olympic events. On the flip side, working together helps a person to take different challenges. It enables to achieve together by doing some hard tasks. Moreover, a country’s development can possibly if people work together in risky situations. For building this type of mentality, we need to emphasize more on co-operation at the age of children. For instance, several defence ministers of wealthy nations have already talked at an international conference that the most powerful army can be built up in school days by practicing work together in a risky situation. In conclusion, competition is required for children to enrich their abilities. But it cannot be underestimated that co-operation is more need during worse circumstances.
It has
been argued
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is needed
to stimulate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that being an adult, co-operation
is required
more than a contest. I opine that chasing is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it develops
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
ability.
However
, co-operation can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
a child to do difficult achievements in adults. In this essay, I will delve both views with appropriate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
templates from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

To commence, to develop cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, a chase is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
out one’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
in any particular area.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Competition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
out weak areas.
As a result
, they
Please check whether one of these words is redundant.
can able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
right places with the appropriate abilities. A person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
perfect when he or
Did you mean "she is" or "she was"?
she
able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
out his potential areas.
For example
, the financial solid country has already
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
in school in sports. As a consequence, they have won more medals in the Olympic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

On the flip side, working together
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
a person to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
challenges. It enables to achieve together by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
tasks.
Moreover
, a country’s development can
possibly
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
work together in risky situations. For building this type of mentality, we need to emphasize more on co-operation at the age of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For instance
, several
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
ministers of wealthy nations have already talked at an international conference that the most powerful army can
be built
up in school days by practicing work together in a risky situation.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is required
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to enrich their abilities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it cannot
be underestimated
that co-operation is more need during worse circumstances.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 30

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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