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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v.3

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 3
Although it is believed by some that children can learn to be competitive through engaging sports, others think that sports activities teach them to cooperate with others. In my opinion, I feel that sports motivate children to cooperate as they master important teamwork skills because of these pursuits. On the one hand, some individuals are of the belief that young generations learn how to vie against others if they engage sports games. Perhaps the major reason is that sports activities can instill a sense of competition in young generations because each participant will strive to defeat other rivals. Many athletes have struggled to ameliorate their performance in order to either win global tournaments or set a record. Furthermore, after those children develop into adults, they will definitely utilize their abilities to vie for a job or better career progression. As a result, it is understandable why some argue that sports games educate juniors how to be competitive. On the other hand, other groups believe that young generations can be more cooperative when they practice sports activities. Possibly the main cause is that such pursuits give them a chance to communicate and collaborate with others in an effort to win a game. For example, children in a basketball team have to cooperate one another to maximize their collective strengths, which is crucial to win a match. This means that children will develop essential teamwork and communication skills by pursuing sports, which can be extremely beneficial in both educational and career life. Therefore, it is obvious that athletics have been a pivotal tool in learning children how to cooperate. In conclusion, while some believe that children may be competitive through playing sports, I agree that sports games definitely make them more cooperative with others.
Although it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn to be competitive through engaging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities teach them to cooperate with others. In my opinion, I feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to cooperate as they master
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
teamwork
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of these pursuits.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals are of the belief that young generations learn how to vie against others if they engage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Perhaps the major reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities can instill a sense of competition in young generations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
each participant will strive to defeat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
rivals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
athletes have struggled to ameliorate their performance in order to either win global tournaments or set a record.
Furthermore
, after those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
develop into adults, they will definitely utilize their abilities to vie for a job or better career progression.
As a result
, it is understandable why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
educate juniors how to be competitive.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
groups believe that young generations can be more cooperative when they practice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities.
Possibly
the main cause is that such pursuits give them a chance to communicate and collaborate with others in an effort to win a game.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in a basketball team
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
cooperate one another to maximize their collective strengths, which is crucial to win a match. This means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will develop essential teamwork and communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by pursuing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, which can be
extremely
beneficial in both educational and career life.
Therefore
, it is

obvious that athletics have been a pivotal tool in learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to cooperate.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may be competitive through playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more cooperative with others.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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