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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than complete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.26

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than complete become more useful adults. v. 26
In some modern education methodologies, it is fiercely supported that children must be encouraged to be competitive individuals rather than cooperative team players. But is this idea prudent enough to make us build our education system on that basis? Many people argue that to be successful in today’s highly competitive world, individuals should have the skills which can grant a competitive advantage to differentiate themselves from the masses. Admittedly, this idea is mostly true for the entrepreneurs who must have the determination and skills to pursue and realise their dreams. Further, in sectors such as; advertising and marketing, the specialists generally need to put the welfare of their company in front of the masses’ therefore choosing competitiveness and individualism over the good of all. However, co-operative people are required to make any organization to thrive. Cross-analysing the ideas stated in the previous paragraph, it must be remembered that only 10% – 20% of the entrepreneurs can pursue their ideas for success and in many departments of organizations co-operation is paramount. Also, if very dire situations, such as acts of war, will be taken into consideration, it can easily be understood that, only a handful of leaders are needed, opposed to a great number of co-operative team-players. In conclusion, even though our children should have enough sense of competition to better themselves, they need to be encouraged more to cooperate in order to be more beneficial to society and to achieve greater accomplishments. After all, two hands can always make more noise than one hand.
In
some
modern education methodologies, it is
fiercely
supported that children
must
be encouraged
to be competitive individuals
rather
than cooperative team players.
But
is this
idea
prudent
enough
to
make
us build our education system on that basis?

Many
people
argue that to be successful in
today
’s
highly
competitive world, individuals should have the
skills
which can grant a competitive advantage to differentiate themselves from the masses.
Admittedly
, this
idea
is
mostly
true for the entrepreneurs who
must
have the determination and
skills
to pursue and
realise
their dreams.
Further
, in sectors such as; advertising and marketing, the specialists
generally
need to put the welfare of their
company
in front of the masses’
therefore
choosing competitiveness and individualism over the
good
of all.

However
, co-operative
people
are required
to
make
any organization to thrive.
Cross-analysing
the
ideas
stated in the previous paragraph, it
must
be remembered
that
only
10%
20% of the entrepreneurs can pursue their
ideas
for success and in
many
departments of organizations co-operation is paramount.
Also
, if
very
dire situations, such as acts of war, will
be taken
into consideration, it can
easily
be understood
that,
only
a handful of leaders
are
needed, opposed to a great number of
co-operative
team-players.

In conclusion
,
even though
our children should have
enough
sense of competition to better themselves, they need to
be encouraged
more to cooperate in order to be more beneficial to society and to achieve greater accomplishments.
After all
, two hands can always
make
more noise than one hand.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than complete become more useful adults. v. 26

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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