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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.24

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 24
The debate whether it is beneficial to encourage competition in childern, as opposed to teaching them to be a better team player has become a matter of discussion for many. Personally, I believe cooperation skills are much more important and should be encouraged. In this essay, I shall examine both points of view and outline the advantages and disadvantages of each. On one hand, there are benefits of the competitive nature among childern. Firstly, it acts as a main driving force behind the motivation to achieve the bigger goals. For example, a recent study conducted at Stanford university showed that students are more likely to score higher grades in the presence of competition compared to when it is absent. Secondly, this motivation could help childern to make better and more ambitious career choices, as they try to become better than the competition. On the other hand, team player and cooperative skills also play a vital role. For example, many studies have shown that childern who learned such behaviour at an early age, prove to be more successful in their career. In addition, by focusing on personal development rather than competing and trying to copy someone, childern could further improve their own skills. In conclusion, from the given arguments and examples it is clear that both views hold strong ground. However, I believe that it is an unjust affirmation to encourage the competitive nature in childern at a young age, as there are many concrete studies supporting the cooperative nature as a more beneficial option. In the future, we could only expect to see improvements, if both parents and schools encourage a healthy and nurturing behaviour in childern.
The debate whether it is beneficial to encourage competition in
childern
, as opposed to teaching them to be a better team player has become a matter of discussion for
many
.
Personally
, I believe cooperation
skills
are much more
important
and should
be encouraged
. In this essay, I shall examine both points of view and outline the advantages and disadvantages of each.

On one hand, there are benefits of the competitive nature among
childern
.
Firstly
, it acts as a main driving force behind the motivation to achieve the bigger goals.
For example
, a recent study conducted at
Stanford university
showed
that students are more likely to score higher grades in the presence of competition compared to when it is absent.
Secondly
, this motivation could
help
childern
to
make
better and more ambitious career choices, as they try to become better than the competition.

On the other hand
, team player and cooperative
skills
also
play a vital role.
For example
,
many
studies have shown that
childern
who learned such
behaviour
at an early age, prove to be more successful in their career.
In addition
, by focusing on personal development
rather
than competing and trying to copy someone,
childern
could
further
improve
their
own
skills
.

In conclusion
, from the
given
arguments and examples it is
clear
that both views hold strong ground.
However
, I believe that it is an unjust affirmation to encourage the competitive nature in
childern
at a young age, as there are
many
concrete studies supporting the cooperative nature as a more beneficial option. In the future, we could
only
expect
to
see
improvements, if both parents and schools encourage a healthy and nurturing
behaviour
in
childern
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 24

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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