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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your opinion v.22

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. 22
Nowadays, the norm of competing for almost everything is becoming quite common among the children, whereas other section of people still believes in teaching the power of cooperation, rather than being competitive in the society. I believe both the approaches are somewhat right and wrong depending on the part of society an individual living in and also the culture they are following. As the population increases, so does the demand, and everyone needs the best to fulfil their needs and wants. Encouraging the feeling of being competitive among children Will prepare them in advance to face the hurdles of life, also they will try to do better in education, sports et cetera. Researches have proved, children living in a competitive environment tend to gain better knowledge of the activity they are performing compared to those who aren’t. However, if being competitive on one side is beneficial for the children, it also harmful for them in the long run. Competitive children usually find difficulty in cooperating with people on an emotional level, which leaves them in being alone. Closely knitted cultural people often teach their children to learn the feeling of cooperation. Cooperating with others builds friendship and trust and helps them in fighting with difficult phases of life. People tend to like those who cooperate rather than being competitive. In the conclusion, both the approaches are useful and harmful at the same time. Extreme ideologies are always dangerous for the society, whether it’s good or bad. I believe finding a balance is crucial, so its best if people start teaching the advantages and disadvantages of being competitive and cooperative, so that a Child can learn both the sides of the coin and then choose wisely.
Nowadays, the norm of competing for almost everything is becoming quite common among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, whereas other section of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
believes in teaching the power of cooperation,
rather
than being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
in the society. I believe both the approaches are somewhat right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
depending on the part of society an individual living in and
also
the culture they are following.

As the population increases,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
does the demand, and everyone needs the best to fulfil their needs and wants. Encouraging the feeling of being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Will prepare them in advance to face the hurdles of life,
also
they will try to do better in education,
Possible spelling mistake found.
sports et
cetera. Researches have proved,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
living in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
environment tend to gain better knowledge of the activity they are performing compared to those who aren’t.

However
, if being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
on one side is beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
It seems that a verb is missing.
it
also
harmful for them in the long run.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
usually
find difficulty in cooperating with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on an emotional level, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
them in being alone.
Closely
knitted cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn the feeling of cooperation. Cooperating with others builds friendship and trust and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them in fighting with difficult phases of life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
tend to like those who cooperate
rather
than being competitive.

In the conclusion, both the approaches are useful and harmful at the same time. Extreme ideologies are always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for the society, whether it’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
. I believe finding a balance is crucial,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
its best if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
teaching the advantages and disadvantages of being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
and cooperative,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that a Child can learn both the sides of the coin and then choose
wisely
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. 22

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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