Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co- operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.21

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co- operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 21
It is often argued that we should motivate the feeling of competition in children, while others say that cooperation is more important teaching, which makes them good adults. I believe that while competition can help young ones be successful, cooperation is more important because it teaches them to live happily in every circumstance of life. The sense of competition encourages children to achieve more and rank above everyone. This drives them to work harder to achieve their goals. As a result, they can reach a good position in their lives. For example, in India, board examination is the perfect scenario of the competition between children, which helps them score high overall and enter their dream universities. However, I believe being cooperative is a more fruitful virtue in life. Cooperation teaches children to live in all situations that life offers. That is to say, understanding the needs of others and working in accordance prepares the young ones to accept everything they face. As a result, they become more humble towards people around them, which automatically leads to success in their lives. For example, a recent survey reported by Devi Ahilya Vishwavidyalaya University found that 75% of students living a hostel life with many other students around them are more successful in their careers because of their compromising attitude towards life compared to those living single life at home. In conclusion, although competition with others encourages children to push their limits and work hard to achieve success in life, cooperation teaches them to be happy and contended throughout their lives.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that we should motivate the feeling of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, while others say that cooperation is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
teaching, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
adults. I believe that while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
young ones be successful, cooperation is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it teaches them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
happily
in every circumstance of life.

The sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to achieve more and rank above everyone. This drives them to work harder to achieve their goals.
As a result
, they can reach a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
position in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
For example
, in India, board examination is the perfect scenario of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them score high
overall
and enter their dream universities.
However
, I believe being cooperative is a more fruitful virtue in life.

Cooperation teaches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in all situations that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
offers.
That is
to say, understanding the needs of others and working in accordance prepares the young ones to accept everything they face.
As a result
, they become more humble towards
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around them, which
automatically
leads to success in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
For example
, a recent survey reported by Devi
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ahilya
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vishwavidyalaya
University found that 75% of students living a hostel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
students around them are more successful in their careers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their compromising attitude towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
compared to those living single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
at home.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
with others encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to push their limits and work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to achieve success in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, cooperation teaches them to be happy and contended throughout their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co- operate rather than compete become more useful adults. v. 21

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts